It Was Always You
by Ms.Laurabella
Summary: Felicity Smoak has been having these odd slightly intense dreams since she was 8 years old. The boy who'd become a man was a figment of her imagination he wasn't real just someone she'd invented to fill the hole left in heart by the sudden departure of her father. The problem was she'd fallen for him...she was in love with the man in her dreams...who happens to be Oliver Queen
1. Chapter 1

So story is going through a retool just stick with me...1-3 have been redone 4-9 are coming. Also Oliver pov chapters are being thrown in at random points to provide more clarity for the story.

Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended nor do I own anything in relation to Arrow or it's characters.

Chapter One: Dreams Suck

"It was Always You"

1842:

The streets were dark as the moon hid behind the clouds overhead. Escaping the castle was easy but getting to her would still prove difficult as he moved within the shadows of the buildings up ahead. The danger of what they were doing was present in each short and not nearly long enough encounter as he surged forward from the darkness toward the faint light of the stables up ahead. She'd be there as she always was with her fingers lightly stroking the side of his horse's noble brow.

A few more steps were taken as the moon peaked up from behind the dark black bank of clouds overhead; his steps faltered when he heard her usually calm quiet voice crying out in terror.

Faster and faster his body moved the muscles of his calf's straining to reach her before it was too late.

The torches of the stables were dark as he rushed past the normally closed doors his breaths were broken and hard as his chest faltered and his heart suddenly broke. There before him bathed in the lone light of the torch overhead was her crumbled blood soaked form…

Her skin was pale and cool to the touch as he stumbled and fell towards the soft hay covered ground. Her once bright blue eyes were mere slits now as her breathes began to rapidly slow…

"You can't leave me…You can't…you can't…" His voice filed with misery continued on as he brought his lips down to her ice cold brow. "Please, please just open your damn eyes…please…Felicity please…"

Present Day:

He'd never mentioned having visions but then again when we met our exchanges were usually now more about the physical and less about the mental. Their relationship over time changed and altered as they changed from being young children who were alone and scared in the waking world; to the adults their experiences had forced them to become. This one lone vision had always left her mind too shattered to sleep any further so she'd usually spent the remaining hours of the empty night walking back and forth across her empty room as she waited for the sun to finally once again rise. Although if Julie had her way she'd already have the man she'd fallen for wrapped tightly in her arms.

Dreams can be complicated they can mean nothing or they can mean everything. Dr. Shaw had been attempting to drill this into her sleep deprived mind for the past fifteen years and for fifteen years Felicity had pretended to listen as she droned on and on about how her life was staying in neutral…She'd been preaching the whole move on, let go, go and meet someone who would make the dreams stop. Trying was useless because no matter who she'd met one very startling fact remained. Eventually she'd have to sleep and eventually they'd once again meet. Dreams are complicated but what makes them worse is when they're more real than the waking world ever appears to be.

The dreams would remain as she wore the haunted remnants like a badge of honor during her waking hours… each night that she'd close those tired red rimmed eyes there'd he'd be once more.

She knew the moment her eyes shut and her mind once more shifted from the conscious to the subconscious there he'd be…

Waiting…

As he had been every night since her horrible eighth birthday…so she once more closed her eyes and snuggled further into the white and beige colored duvet. Taking the former doctors advice she measured each breath just as she'd been taught during their once numerous therapy sessions. So she stared by counted to ten and inhaled sucking in all the oxygen available until her lungs felt as if they were going to burst from the sheer effort. As Felicity laid flat on her back with her fingers tightly coiled in the 150 count linen sheets she exhaled releasing the negative thoughts while preparing to breath in the positive. This was done until her once rapid breathes leveled out. This was done until her fingers relaxed as her body finally shifted from the awareness of being awake to the numbness of sleep.

Slowly she fell as her brain finally began shutting down her mind shifting as he filled her senses with his overwhelming aura. Further and further she'd fall drifting through her once conscious mind until once again her eyes spotted him standing across from her in the sparse grey lined room…his smile was shy as he stepped forward with his bare feet and for some odd reason always bare chest.

"You're late…I was getting worried."

His concern always touched a part of her heart that had long since been shut down as she moved numbly through her long waking hours.

Her inner mantra began to rush forward to the surface as per usual as he advanced towards her. "Dr. Shaw… Felicity remember he's just a dream…you're not real…what…" Her head dropped as she ran her trembling hands through the mass of tangled blonde hair. "What we have is just an illusion…it's imaginary…it's all in my damn head…"

Her dream lover refused to yield as he gripped at her waist until he'd held her chest flush to his own. "I refused to accept that five years ago and I refuse to accept it now…why can't you just admit that you feel more alive in your sleep then you do when you're awake? Why can't you just admit that you're in love with me?"

"I'm not in love with you…you're a figment of my imagination…you're someone I made up when I was eight years old because my father left…this is not real…you're not real…" His face shifted slightly as he attempted to shift the conversation back towards the subject matter at hand. Felicity however was still attempting to keep her mind on anything but the man who was standing before her. The room was nothing more than black and grey walls lit by a single dingy bulb from overhead. Her mind drifted back sadly once more to the man before her…He was perfect and made to be admired. He was everything any woman could hope for and in Felicity's case he was also everything she could never truly have. He was tall about 6′0 or 6′1 with closed cropped brownish blonde hair. He'd changed so much since their first meeting when she'd been no more than an 8 year old child. In the beginning he was young as well but not nearly as young as Felicity. He just appeared one night all 5 feet of him…this tall beanpole of a boy just one day appeared in her dreams. He'd been lonely and crying his form was hunched over as he slowly slid to the ground his hands covering his red and very blotchy face.

"I know you love me…why won't you just admit it?" His strong calloused hands were begging to do more than to just hold her, he wanted to touch her, caress her, and in the end he wanted to love her. Felicity attempted to step back as she held her hands outward until his chest was burning through her rapidly cooling flesh.

"Say it…say you love me…stop running from us and tell me the truth…I love you Felicity…"

She looked up as her fingers dug into his heavily scarred and quite muscular chest…"I can't…you're not real…"

"The hell I'm not…" He surged forward as he gripped her arms tightly with his strong embrace…"I L.O.V.E. Y.O.U…" Her once strong resolve was beginning to weaken as his own fingers dug into the sides of her bared and now goosebump covered arms. She could feel his breath against her lips as he moved closer and closer…those brilliant blue orbs were now fixed on her own as he began to once more draw closer his lips beginning to descend…their bodies were now like magnets coming closer and closer until she could feel her nipples lengthen and harden beneath the thin fabric of the tank top. He brushed his chest against those tender erected points until her moans could be heard at the back of her throat…"Say it…give me the words Felicity…"

His lips hovered at her ear as her heart began to pump rapidly beneath her ribcage…Panting and flushed she lifted her head up as she wrapped her arms securely around his neck… Looking up just in time to see his eyes shift from concern and slight affection to an all out fire she smiled slightly beneath his gaze. He was burning beneath her touch his skin felt like it was a flame and she'd been his ignition source…

"Say it…" He growled once more into her ear before his lips moved down to her heated flesh….

"This isn't real…you're an illusion…" She'd kept muttering those words into the side of his face as his lips trailed down the side of her neck and up again until all she could feel was his touch in every single nerve ending of her small petite body.

"SAY IT…." He hissed out once more before he'd lifted one hand up from the side of her exposed arm…he'd pulled at her hair yanking her head backward until the full length of her neck was exposed to his eager caress.

"No…" Felicity was now breathless as they continued to move closer and closer together her fingers now tangled at the waistband of his sweats…those eager fingers sought for his bared, heated, and very toned flesh.

"Felicity…" His lips trailed roughly down her throat as his tongue darted out at random intervals…Felicity's blood now began to boil as his hands began to travel down the length of her bared spine… "I can be real if you just let me in…say it…tell me you love me…" His hands now freely roamed beneath the cotton fabric as she pulled herself up his half naked body her legs tightened around his waist as he lowered his hands supporting her rushed movements by placing his hands tightly against the curve of her ass…

"I…you're…I can't this isn't real…"

"Give in…" She was so close now as their bodies continued to rub forcefully together each of them now yearned to feel the other as they moved within each other. She gripped down hard on his shoulders as his teeth closed over her pulse point. The bite forced her to emit a low strangled scream.

"I…I…I..Oliver…"

* * *

She awoke with a startled shout followed by a very frustrated moan. It'd been the same dream every night now for the past two months. She'd fall into an uneasy slumber until she saw his eyes from across the room then it would start. His low sexy and somewhat broody voice would beg her to let him in…to say the words that came so naturally to his perfectly formed lips. Felicity would resist staying frozen to the ground until he was before her…gazing at her with those fire filled eyes that caused her stomach to drop and her heart to race. They'd began to come together her hands exploring and memorizing every single pore of his tanned skin until she felt her resolve beginning to crumble. Then with the words literally at the tip of her tongue she stopped as her mind began to take her once again back to the waking world.

"These dreams are getting worse not better damnit…" Felicity muttered softly to the darkened room as she flung herself onto her side as she reached out to touch the empty cold space beside her. Felicity trailed her fingers down the air conditioned fabric of the never before used pillow case as her legs stretched out beneath the slightly damp sheet. She pushed her face into her own pillow as she released a puff of air before once again flipping onto her back and glancing towards the bright glow of the clock beside her. The angry red numbers read 5:02 am…

She'd fallen into her fitful if not aroused sleep at around 1am…

Four hours this time…not only we're they getting more intense but now they were getting longer. Attempting to rid her mind of the dream she stood her weary sleep deprived body was still wracked from the passion she'd been so close to experiencing. She moved through the darkness of her bedroom the cold hardwood floors kissing her bare skin as she walked to the solace of her once again very cold shower. Flipping the light on caused her to squint so shielded her eyes with her spare hand letting the suddenly light flooded room lure her into it's warm if not sterile embrace. Felicity padded to the glass door opening it just enough to turn on the water. She'd let it run as she slowly stripped out of her now dampened undergarments she mentally had to will her body to move beneath the ice cold spray.

Felicity closed her eyes as the water coursed down her pale skin her hair became matted against her face as she stood there frozen with her arms dangling loosely at her sides. The dreams weren't always this intense this was new….this was disturbing…because no matter how crazy it seemed he was right. She fell back against the wall as she slid down to the black shower floor. Felicity was in love with someone she'd created to protect her broken heart…She wanted him…She yearned for him…and some part of her knew he was real. Dr. Shaw had tried everything to rid her of this little problem…she'd done hypnosis, she'd given her every drug known to man and even a few that the FDA had yet to approve, she'd set her up with anyone with a pulse but still he remained. He had a hold on her that she couldn't explain and frankly she didn't want to. Felicity lowered her head into her hands as the water pooled around her before it found the drain in the center of the floor.

Felicity sighed recalling the first time she'd dreamed of the lost scared boy…she recalled the first time she'd dreamed of Oliver…

 _"_ _Mommy where's daddy? He promised he'd be home tonight to help me with my science fair entry." I was whining but that project could get me a scholarship…that fair could win me a new computer with the advanced software. I jumped from foot to foot as she stood before me her face was pale as she dropped the paper she'd been gripping just moments before._

 _"_ _Mommy? Mommy what's wrong?" I was observant for an eight year old so I usually noticed if my parents were acting a bit well off. She kept her back to me as her body shook I knew in that moment something was more than wrong it was really wrong._

 _"_ _Mommy where's Daddy?"_

 _She'd spent two hours crying into my Godfather's shoulder as he kissed her hair. John Diggle was far from old but he was also far from young. He was only 23 but in that short amount of time he'd seen more pain and suffering than most people would see in fifty lifetimes. He'd come home when I was six from a tour in Iraq he was tall about 6′2 or 6′3, dark skinned with kind eyes and a very well built frame. My father had taken an instant liking to him as did I so before long he was no longer our new neighbor across the hall he was my protector, my guardian and my friend. He let me tear apart most of his electronic devices…smiling warmly as I promised I could make them ten times better than before. He'd helped my mother when a rather aggressive customer followed her home…he'd saved her when the man attempted to throw against our paper thin apartment walls. He'd been there for two years and now he was here again but this time he was here to comfort and to fulfill the role of parent since the other was gone._

 _I never got the details of the letter as she wept rather loudly…her tears soaking through his dark grey shirt. I'd gone to my room with red puffy eyes and a heart that felt like it was filled with lead. He'd told her he couldn't handle it anymore…he felt trapped…he felt lost…he felt…well frankly I no longer even knew what he felt all I knew was that he was gone and I was alone. My mother tried but she'd never be able to understand how my love of computers was more than just a passing phase…it was my life. My father understood, my father encouraged me and helped me while she strutted around in short tight skirts as men stared and sneered at her rather impressive form._

 _My sleep was restless and troubled as I tossed and turned beneath the yellow and purple flowered comforter that she'd just bought me two weeks ago for my eighth birthday. I felt like I was falling down a long black tunnel as my stomach dropped and flipped each second scaring me more and more as I fell further and faster down the endless hole. My throat was raw from both my fallen tears and harsh screams when my feet finally hit solid ground. I looked around with my red rimmed tear filled blue eyes I saw nothing but black as I surveyed the room around me. The floors were cold and maybe even grey but without my glasses the two dark colors sort of blended together so I moved slowly through the room until I was beneath it's one solitary light. I squinted in the low light when I heard what I could have sworn was a low muffled cry. Being a curious soul I moved out of the light and back into the shadows searching for the sound that had captured my rather rapt attention. One step became two and then two became three as I moved further and further into the shadows of my dark and very scary dreamland._

 _"_ _Hello? Who's out there?_

 _I head nothing so I reached up and pushed my darkened tresses behind my ears and moved until the sound was clear and the form that it belonged to was as well._

 _"_ _Hello…can you hear me? I won't hurt you…Where are we? Are you hurt? Are you scared?"_

 _I kept speaking but the huddled mass in the corner remained silent so I moved even closer inching towards his slouched form until I was close enough to feel the heat from his skin against my fingertips._

 _"_ _Hey are you alright?"_

 _The nearness of my voice must have startled him because his face shot up as his body went back. I jumped in response falling to my bottom as he leaned further into the black wall._

 _"_ _Who…whooo…are you?" His voice was nervous, and tinged with fear so I stayed back not wanting to scare him any further._

 _"_ _Felicity…my name is Felicity what's your's?"_

 _He looked at me for a few moments his eyes red and blurry but still bright blue just like my own. He was cute I supposed but he was also scared and like me very much alone. So I waited hoping that I'd soon wake up…hoping that my strange nightmare would soon be over._

 _"_ _Oliver…I'm Oliver…do you know where we are?"_

 _I shook my head as my voice trembled. "No I was hoping you did."_

 _He smiled lightly before relaxing his posture his arms unfolded as he relaxed his legs. I released the breath I was holding as we both sat there neither of us spoke but for some reason we felt we didn't need to._

She opened her eyes as her body began to freeze so she stood up on her still weak and wobbling legs…Felicity turned the water off as she grabbed the towel and presumed to remove the cold droplets of water from her now ice cold skin. The dreams were always the same in the beginning they'd meet in the room and they'd talk. He was older than her by about five years or so. He had a little sister and lived in a place called Starling City. She'd told him about her own family as he listened with rapt attention. Oliver was able to remember her words as the years passed. The relationship was innocent and sweet but soon as they aged so did the interactions.

He grew as she grew…

He would come to her broken, bleeding, and destroyed but he would always come to her. Sometimes they'd just stand there and stare, and sometimes they'd speak each of them recounting other dreams…odd dreams…dreams about the two of them but not actually of them…their connection continued to grow the older they became but one thing remained the same. He was a dream…he was a place her heart and head had created to ease the gaping hole left by the sudden departure of her father.

Felicity was still drifting through her thoughts when she'd looked up and saw her horrid reflection in the mirror. Her blonde hair was matted to her face…her once bright blue eyes were now dull and lifeless due to the lack of sleep which was made even more apparent by the bags that had found a permanent home beneath her now dull eyes. She ran her fingers through her hair as she looked at her lifeless pale skin. Sighing heavily again as she shut the light off she moved as her legs carried her back to the bed that was both her escape but also her prison. Flopping stomach first onto the mattress she glanced at the red demon like numbers once more; 6:02…Felicity had another hour before the house would wake…she had another hour to wonder through her unorganized thoughts…she had an hour to fix her appearance before she had to once again embrace the light of day.

* * *

"You didn't sleep again did you?" Felicity glanced across the table at her step-sister and scowled.

"No and no I don't want to talk about it." She nodded before looking downward into her bowel of Lucky Charms. Felicity felt bad for snapping at her so in an attempt to make it right she spoke softening her voice as she reached her hand out across the table until her left pinkie finger was lightly brushing against Sara's. "I'm sorry Sara…these dreams…" She sighed looking down into her own cereal bowl as she moved the spoon through the rapidly softening grains and marshmallows of the half consumed food. "Sara they're getting worse…he's more real to me then even you are sometimes…Sara I'm in love with a figment of my imagination and the worst part is I don't want it to change."

She looked at her sister carefully as she moved her pinkie against Felicity's until she had their pinkies entwined with the others…she was offering the only comfort she knew her sister would accept. "Felicity you have to do what the dreams are telling you to do…is he still telling you to say it?" Felicity nodded slowly still slightly regretting ever telling her about the dreams in the first place. Felicity in her defense had been drunk and Sara was just so damn pushy. "So just say the words to your dream lover and maybe he'll go away…I mean LIssy what harm could it do? You already don't sleep so just give in and see what happens."

She lowered the spoon into her own bowl of mush scooping out a large spoonful as she smiled and shoved it forcefully into her mouth. "You know it's not that easy Sara…"

"Yes it is." Her words were garbled as she spoke the little flecks of spit and milk coated her lips as her words reached home.

"Sara swallow than talk. And no it's not…is dad coming home today?" She scowled at the sudden change in topic but let it drop as her spoon clanged the empty bowl her smile returning to her lately solemn face.

"Yes…mom finally convinced him that Laurel's death wasn't his fault…well that and he wasn't going to miss his youngest daughters first day as head of the IT Department now was he?"

"Sara stop it's no big deal…"

"Oh yes it is! You're the youngest in QC history this is a moment worth celebrating!" Scowling Felicity stood as their joined pinkies separated; her body was moving with ease to the small sink in the home's still rather outdated kitchen. Sara and Felicity had moved into the old townhome about a year ago…Laurel was killed by a random act of violence in the Glades and they'd been left to pick up the pieces of their shattered hearts while their parents fled to another city taking their childhood home away as they ran. They'd managed to rehab most of the home but the kitchen was still on the massive to do list.

"Sara it's just a promotion which means more money and that means this damn kitchen can finally be remodeled. Now that is worth celebrating." Sara nodded as they both turned to walk up the stairs.

"So is he going to be there?" Felicity rolled her eyes knowing exactly who she was alluding to. Another casualty of her drunken state was also the identity of the said dream lover.

"Yes and no you can't come. I haven't even met him so I don't need you saying something regrettable that might cause me to blush. So no you are going to work and Tommy is well hopefully going to bring himself and Ava to the ceremony."

"You're no fun!" Felicity just laughed as she slammed her hand against the closed and they assumed locked black door.

"Tommy get the hell out of bed! Ava has to be fed and both Sara and I have work so get a move on you dead beat who owes me 6 months of back rent!" Sounds could be heard from within as Sara leaned into Felicity's shoulder her chin was lightly resting upon her sister's form.

"Do you think he'll ever rejoin the land of the living?"

"I hope so Sara…Ava needs him and frankly so do we." Sara sighed as Felicity rested her head upon Sara's own. "You're going to be late…"

She scoffed leaning back but not before she banged her own closed fist against the doors solid frame. "Get up deadbeat your sister and your invisible best friend are going to be in the same place today so maybe you should rejoin the land of the living and escort her on her big day!" Felicity snickered as the door flew open their brother in law now mostly awake was standing in the doorway with his jet black hair ruffled and his still bloodshot eyes. Felicity would normally comment but lately she'd been sporting the same look.

"Laurel was right you two are complete nags."Both women frowned before punching his shoulder and stomping down the narrow hall. Laurel was gone but as they kept reminding him life had to go on. Now if only Felicity would learn to take her own wise advice.

* * *

"Lissy up!" Felicity looked over at her little raised arms as she kept screaming up! She was the very picture of her mother but she had her father's hair. Felicity was getting her settled into her car seat as she kept saying the only two words that most would swear she knew.

"No Ava we have to go I'll pick you up later babydoll I promise." She was about halfway done when she heard a sharp intake of breath coming from behind her. Turning around she saw Tommy looking pale as a sheet his knees starting to wobble as he stared into his daughters smiling face.

"Tommy?"

"It's too soon…I'm…I'm not ready…" His head fell slightly as he pushed his hands into the pockets of his jacket. "I'm sorry Lissy I'm just not ready to face him…it's just too soon…we haven't spoken since that day." Felicity nodded before bending down to unlock her niece from her car seat prison hoping his daughter's presence would at least ease the wounds that still haunted his every step.

"You both made mistakes Tommy…it doesn't make it your fault or his for that matter." Felicity moved away from the open door gesturing for him to hold the last remaining link to his lost love. He nodded moving towards his unbuckled daughter but before he removed her from the car he placed his hand on his sister's shoulder squeezing gently as his shaky voice eked out a small reply.

"He told me that she was cheating on me…he told me that she was scared and in the Glades…he was trying to be a good friend and I ignored him. I'm just…"

"Feeling guilty I know but; we all have to move on if not for our sake's than for Ava's." He nodded as he released her before finally holding his daughter tightly in his arms.

"Are you going to be ok on your own?" Felicity nodded as she went to the driver's side of the car.

"Tommy he's your best friend and I love you so how bad can he be?"

"Ollie can be well hard to read. And he's been out of the country for the past five years so he can be a bit aloof." She just shook her head as she inserted the key into the car's ignition.

"I'll be fine I mean he's just a man right?" Tommy snickered as he kissed his daughter's forehead.

"Yes he is."

"Then I have nothing to worry about do I?" His eyes twinkled as he reached forward tapping her nose just like Laurel had done with his index finger.

"No Lissy Girl you don't." Felicity smiled at Laurel's nickname for her as she rolled up the window waving to them as she backed out of the gravel driveway and onto the main road. Felicity could handle this he was one man…He was based on the tabloids handsome and well perfect but he was also cold, callous and unfeeling so any attraction she might have felt would be wiped away the moment he opened his mouth. Felicity smiled to herself as she drove towards her second home…today was the day…

Today was the day. Today she was finally going to meet the all powerful Oliver Queen.

Today Felicity was going to have her first real interaction with the boy who'd become a man within her dreams.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended. Nor do I own anything in relation to Arrow or it's characters.

Chapter Two: Every story has two sides

Light...

Light had been his enemy for longer than he cared to recall. Light meant that had another day had dawned, light meant that another night had passed, and light meant that once again she was gone. Every night since his parents died there she'd been. At first he'd thought she was nothing more than a distant mirage or a trick his grief stricken mind had played to distract him from his own pain. The first year was simple she'd been there to talk to to and he'd been there just sitting there beneath that lone lamp. She'd been this bright, kind, sweet, simple soul that was willing to listen when he'd even bothered to speak.

His nightmares were growing progressively worse with each passing day. Every night as his eyes began to slide shut he knew that in moments he'd either be in her arms or trapped in a world where she didn't exist. Tonight he'd found her arms...

Tonight he'd found his home; but when his eyes opened and his arms reached for her his heart once again broke.

Knowing that sleep would once again prove to be just as illusive as the multitude of nights before he sighed as he forced his weary body forward. The light was not yet cresting over the still darkened skies so he knew the house would still be silent as the dead. Relishing the solitude that these hours often brought he opened the door and began to pad carefully along the hardwood floors. The floor was cold but soothing against the bare skin of his feet as he walked slowly down the long darkened hallway. Each door he passed served as a cold and empty reminder of how much he'd lost in just this past year.

His heart always clenched as he rounded the corner and glanced upon the lightly painted red door. That door was supposed to serve as a beacon of hope in his often darkened world. That door was supposed to be open as she slept soundly within. That door was the only reminder he'd dare to keep, everything else had been destroyed. His sister's life was often a mystery to him but her death sadly was not. Thea had remained in Starling after their parents had died. She lived her life with kind glances and a peaceful setting. Thea had what he often felt he was beginning to have even if it was only in his not long enough dreams.

After his trainer and often tormentor had been disposed of he'd made arrangements for his sister to travel to Russia. He'd only seen her a handful of times since that awful day. His training and rapid ascent to his predecessors throne had made finding time to spend with his completely unaware sister rather difficult. He often was covered in cuts with the purple yellowish skin to match. The last thing Oliver had wanted for her was to see her once strong big brother now being nothing more than a punching bag for his legal guardian. No Thea was safe in the care of two very loving people, she was happy and well cared for while he suffered at a murderer's hand.

The tables had finally turned and now he was in a position to finally make their small family once again whole. Oliver had arranged for everything she was going to leave Starling on a private jet and she'd arrive at what was now his own private airfield. Hours that's all that had separated them from each other...

Apparently those hours had been still one hour too long. He'd been pacing back and forth in what was to be her bedroom as Magdalia finished preparing the bed. His nerves were raw but excited as the hands on the antique clock in her room slowly ticked away.

"Mr. Queen if you don't stop pacing you'll wear a hole in the floor." Magdalia's voice was thick with her accent as she moved her hands rapidly over the flawless silk sheets.

Oliver stopped in mid-stride signaling that he'd heard her words as his eyes shifted from nervous to amused in a few very short seconds. "Mags what if she hates it here? What if she doesn't want to be a family anymore? What if I've changed far more than she can handle? Mags what if I can't care for her?"

The questions had been running wildly through his troubled mind as he'd made the final arrangements for her flight here today.

Magdalia was a kind middle aged woman with light grey streaks amongst her once very bright blonde hair. She'd been a semi permanent fixture in his life since he'd been brought here at the tender young age of 12. His parents death had been fairly fresh in his mind and in his heart when he'd stepped trough the silent echoing halls. His feet had scraped and sloshed against the floors as he'd be pulled toward the black solid oak doors. Mags had been standing before them with her short thick arms braced in front of her slightly puffed middle. Her green eyes had shown him kindness and warmth when everyone else around him had shown him nothing but pain. She' been an angel in white who he suspected often checked him as he wailed and screamed through all hours of the seemingly endless nights.

"Oliver it will be fine your sister will see the kind man behind that steely blue stare." He smiled as she lightly patted his shoulder and left the perfectly decorated room.

Oliver was about to leave for the airstrip when he felt his phone vibrate in his right pants pocket. He'd reached down and when he saw the number his heart had immediately froze...

* * *

With another heavy sigh his head lowered as he moved rather quickly past the room's sealed door. Thea had died from a drug overdose just mere hours before 7am that very same day. According to the various medical officials that he'd spent hours speaking to his sister had been in this type of trouble for quite some time so to them her death came as no surprise.

Oliver however had felt the world fall from beneath his feet. That night as he locked the room he'd felt broken and destroyed...he'd wanted someone to erase the pain of that day...he'd wanted to feel something for someone who despite who he was felt something for him as well...Oliver's eyes had closed and moments later his skin was tightly pressed against her own.

His smile was soft but visible as he rounded the corner and found to his utter surprise that the kitchen light was casting a shadow of bright neon on the tables below.

"Oliver?" He glanced up to see his friend and now almost constant companion John Diggle sitting at the lower kitchen counter staring at him with wide eyed amusement.

"John what are you doing up at this hour? Our plane won't be leaving the tarmac for another four hours." John's eyes lowered to the steaming cup of coffee before him as Oliver walked towards the still half full coffee pot his nose wrinkling when he smelled the rather distinctive blend. "John really what is it with you and the hazelnut garbage that Raisa keeps making me purchase at least once a month?"

His own nose wrinkled as his lips came to gently rest over the rim of the dark blue ceramic cup. "She threw out our usual blend so it's either this or nothing."

Oliver sighed heavily once more as he poured the putrid blend into his own dark blue cup. Raisa was punishing them for this little jaunt to Starling City and this was part of her silent revenge.

"She's upset over our travel plans Digg you do know that right?" His lips curved as he choked down another awful sip his eyes giving away his answer before his mouth had a chance to form a reply.

"Am I doing the right thing? I mean what if she still fights this? What if she still doesn't believe in me? What if she's not willing to take the risk?" Those questions had Oliver questioning everything over the past few days. The plan was simple she'd just been appointed to the head of the IT Department for his father's and now his company back in the States. She'd be there...she'd be flesh and blood as they each finally came face to face.

All he'd have to do was take her perfectly shaped hand as she reached forward to shake his own. He knew that once that spark ignited as it always did whenever their bodies touched she'd feel for the perhaps the first time that it was all real.

His beautiful, bright, beacon of hope would finally see what he'd known for quite some time.

His Felicity would finally know that what they had was real.

"Oliver she'll resist you already know this." Digg's form was hunched over the edge of the black and white marble as his next phrase aimed for home. "Just be smart she'll be timid and afraid so remember what I told you. Let her come to you Oliver let her make the tentative first move and then you can you know do whatever it is that you two do in those shared dreams of yours."

Oliver's face paled as Digg finished his final phrase. "John what if it's not enough? What if I'm not enough?" His voice was tight and hard as he leaned back the cold of the marble hit gently against his lower back.

"Felicity loves you Oliver even though the entire world has told her not too. she won't abandon you just give her the time and the space if she asks for it." His words banged about in Oliver's head for a few more moments before he leaned forward and dumped out the rest of his undrinkable coffee. Then with a slight nod he thanked the man for his as usual fairly good advice.

"I know she loves me Digg...I just have to get her to realize that perhaps we've loved each other all along..." His eyes were appraising as his lips slid into yet another easy smile.

"Oliver you're a sap you know that right?"

Oliver's eyes crinkled as he moved forward his hand reaching up to pat his friends shoulder as he walked by. "Only when it comes to her...Only when it comes to Felicity does that statement apply."

With that Oliver left his friend alone in the now sunlit room. Oliver didn't see it but the moment he left the kitchen Digg's mouth moved.

"Don't give up her Oliver...don't stop fighting for what's right." Had he heard the sentiment his answer would have been a simple but clear...

Never.

Oliver would never give up on Felicity.

* * *

They traveled in relative silence towards the private airstrip each of them was lost in their own personal thoughts. Oliver's mind once again went back to her...

His mind always came back to his shared time with Felicity...

* * *

"Felicity why do you keep fighting what's between us?" His fingers were trailing up and down her slim naked form as she curled her fingers in this close cropped hair.

Her sigh was small but the puff of air she'd released still chilled Oliver's dampened skin. "Oliver you're some rich tycoon with a horrible story in the real world while I'm just the daughter of a cocktail waitress and a once influential cop." She tilted her head so her nose rested at the crook of his neck while his lips came down to press gently against her forehead. "Oliver I know that you don't understand this but I remember you when we leave this place..."

He was about to interrupt but her fingers had fallen down to his parted lips. "I know what I feel for you is real Oliver and frankly it scares me...when I'm with you all I want is you...when I'm awake all I want to do is sleep so that once again I'll be with you. So yes it scares me that maybe I'm the only one who can recall this place during my waking hours...it scares me that maybe you can't remember me when your mind is once again in control..."

Oliver knew she was scared because he was too. He'd felt the same way she did each and every time they'd both been forced to leave the other. His heart would slowly break into a thousand pieces as his mind tore him away from her now very loving embrace. Felicity had become his heart, and soul. Felicity had become his gravity and he'd be damned if he was going to lose another person he loved.

"Felicity just tell me how you feel...tell me that you love me baby...tell me that what we have is real." It was the same plea each time they'd come together. His voice would start off soft and calm as she began her usual I can't you're not real speech. As her reluctance grew his voice would grow stronger...he'd become more desperate as he felt her beginning to pull away. Each time it was the same routine and each time as the words were about to fall from her parted flushed lips the dream would end.

The dreams always ended before Oliver had heard her truth.

* * *

His attention was brought back to the present as the felt the plane shift beneath him. John was by his side with his eyes partially closed... each of them was secretly dreading the trip home. John was going to face the consequences of his choices now over two years ago. He was going to face the girl he'd once known in the woman who would come to stand before him. John was going to face Felicity's unfiltered response once Oliver had given her the full story.

Oliver was going to give her the full story and this time they'd be face to face.

This time they'd be in the same room, at the same time, with their eyes for once wide open.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended nor do I own anything in relation to Arrow or it's characters.

 **Chapter 3: First Impressions**

The drive to QC normally took all of fifteen minutes but today since the reigning king of the empire was actually going to be in the building the traffic was heavier than usual. Felicity sighed as her fingers ran through her now fairly disheveled low ponytail. Felicity had been doing this for what seemed like hours as the lights once again changed from green to yellow and then again to red. The traffic was backed up all the way around the block since the front of QC was blocked off in preparation for the Queen heir's arrival. She glanced towards the smaller but still rather angry looking clock as the numbers changed from 45 to 46; the small 8 glared at her as if she needed the reminder that in less than 15 minutes she'd be late to her own promotion.

Felicity's fingers reached to touch the button on the steering wheel with the phone icon knowing that if someone didn't alert him soon more than half the building would be empty. Felicity looked down the street noting that now both of the parking garage entrances were completely blocked. Speaking as clearly as humanly possible she said his name knowing that he could make her tardy arrival a thing of the past.

"Walter Steele." The phone dialed his number and within seconds his kind British accent filled the compartment of her compact vehicle.

"Ms. Smoak…why are you calling me?" Felicity cringed slightly but powered through the embarrassment of being late to the party being thrown her own honor…her face turning redder as the words flowed forth in an uncoordinated babble.

"Hi um…" She took a deep breath and then spewed what would later be recalled as verbal vomit.

"well…oktrafficisjammedbecauseofthebaricadethatwassetupforOliverQueenandIalongwithmostoftheemployeescan'tgetthrough."

Felicity exhaled and inhaled deeply as the realization that she hadn't taken a single breath during that entire rather long run on sentence dawned upon her. "You got none of that did you?"

"No but I did just look out the window to see the parking garage was blocked so I've sent a security team down to clear the entrances….How did I do?" She smiled despite her rising mortification as she took another deep breath before once more responding.

"Great…you're spending too much time with me." He chuckled on the other end as the traffic ahead finally began to move.

"I'll see you soon Felicity."

Felicity whispered quietly in response "Bye Walter." The line went dead as she took her foot off the brake finally able to inch the car towards the up until now illusive parking garage.

* * *

Felicity padded quickly through the still fairly empty hallways as she attempted to keep her head down. She was halfway to the elevator when she heard the various voices of the gossip mill speculating on what really got their never before seen boss to finally emerge from his hole. As she waited for the elevator to arrive she couldn't help but hear some of the theories that had been circulating through the office for the past week.

"He has to be sleeping with her…"

"I heard he was trapped on some island for five years with no form of human contact…he's like Tom Hanks in…oh Tara what's the name of that movie?"

"Castaway…"

"Right that's it he's Tom Hanks from "Castaway" and now he's afraid to connect to any living or breathing person so he stays locked up in that big old drafty mansion…"

"Didn't his parents die or something like that? I mean I think I read something along those lines in some rag about what…"

Felicity found the urge to bite the inside of my cheek hard to resist as. she fought her own internal war to keep from laughing out loud at the stupidity of the somewhat petty comments that the woman continued to make. She was almost at her wits end when she heard a strong, deep, and to her utter shock a strikingly familiar voice answering their various questions.

"15 years…my parents were killed in a car accident 15 years ago. My younger sister Thea died two years ago from a drug overdose. Anymore questions I could answer for you ladies?" Felicity fought to keep her head pointed down as the women behind her sucked in their collective hot air and became suddenly rather silent. She now bounced on the back of her heels as he spoke once more his voice causing her to abandon all rational thought as her eyes slid shut The visions were crisp and clear as she began visualize…as she began to do what she normally never dared to do…

With her eyes blissfully closed she was able to see him…Her Oliver and just for a split second Felicity could have sworn that she could almost feel the soft caress of his touch as he gently uttered her name.

"I take it by your collective silence that I've properly addressed your various inquires?" With her eyes still closed she held back a small snicker as one of the gossip mongers…Jill she silently suspected began to speak. Felicity's fingers were wound tightly around the others as their personal spokeswoman began to slightly jabber.

"Mr. Queen I'm so sorry…we honestly didn't mean any harm…" Jill's voice sounded rattled and off key as she attempted to diffuse the situation before her.

Oliver's voice was calm and steady just as it had always been in her very vivid dreams. "Then next time pay attention to whose milling about the building please."

"Of course…ladies let's go." Jill's voice faltered as the sharp click and clack of their combined shoes could be heard as they practically ran down the marble floored hallways. Felicity remained frozen in place as the elevator finally dinged signaling that her lone escape route had finally arrived…Or so she'd thought…

"Hold the elevator please…"

Of course he was going up…he was supposed to be meeting her after all so with her back still turned towards him and her face still pointed directly down; she stepped into the elevator turning only to press the buttons for the 18th and 40th floors. Her fingers were shaking as she wrapped them together her mind was playing with her sense of reality as he spoke but this time his voice was closer…softer…and oh so familiar…

"Thank you…" His voice was soft and pleasant but still she'd heard the pause at the end of his statement. Felicity remained silent not trusting herself to speak for fear of what horrid phrase might escape from her traitorous mouth. So she dug through her bag until she felt the small bent corners of the lone business card that she'd buried at the bottom of my purse. Pulling it out she shoved her hand out sideways hoping he'd take the card so that no words would have to be exchanged. Felicity could feel her hand was shaking as her brow broke into a cold sweat the sensations of this moment were almost too much for her sleep deprived mind to handle.

She was moments away from passing out from a panic attack…until she felt his fingers lightly touch the underside of her elbow.

"Hey are you ok? You're…you're shaking do I need to find you a doctor?" His voice was soft and concerned just like he'd always been in the dreams which caused her to shake even harder. The shakes began to envelop her body until she felt her knees were about to give out. Slowly hoping to avoid any further injury she began to slump forwards as she felt the rest of her body slinking down to the ground.

"Hey…hey it's alright…you're alright just take a deep breath…" His voice was soft but demanding as her body refused to respond. Her body was on the ground as her fingers became tangled in her hair. Felicity just kept breathing rapidly and heavily as she rocked herself back and forth. Each movement causing her back to hit the elevators wall; she was sure nothing could stop what she was feeling but Felicity was about to be proved wrong… because the moment he said it her entire world suddenly slowed way way down…

"Felicity please just breathe for me…Felicity please…" The last thing she felt was the touch of his hands against her shoulders as her world went very very dark."

* * *

"Is she alright?"

"I hope so otherwise she's going to have one hell of a day once she regains consciousness."

Felicity felt the pain of her headache as it formed slowly began to form between her eyes. Lifting her fingers to the bridge of her nose she squeezed gently as a huff of exasperated air escaped from her now fully functioning lungs. She was lying down but on what she wasn't entirely sure…she'd expected to feel something cool or even scratchy against the back of her neck but all she felt was warmth, cotton and something that wasn't soft but hard, well toned and, she suspected something that was also well worked when it came to exercise.

"What happened to me?" Felicity asked the question as her voice cracked and creaked; her eyes opening very slowly as her vision remained blurred to the scene before her.

"You sort of blacked out sweetie." Felicity knew that voice, that voice had been a constant in her life since she was nine years old. So without moving her head she responded as her lips formed a timid smile.

"Dad really sweetie…how bad was it? You only call me that when I've really humiliated myself."

As she'd expected she was correct.

"Well you sort of blacked out in front of your boss so yeah I thought I'd use an endearment that would alert you to the possible humiliation of the situation at hand." Felicity cursed silently as her eyes once again slid shut her fingers were still braced at the bridge of her nose.

Still wondering who the other voice belonged to she made what perhaps was my third biggest mistake today and vocalized her still unspoken fear. "Mr. Queen I presume you're the leg that my head is currently resting on?"

"You can call me Oliver but yes that would be correct Ms…."

"Felicity you can call me Felicity. Dad would you please help me sit up I'm sure Oliver would appreciate being able to have full use of his leg once again."

Felicity heard the sound of her father's chuckle but what made her heart actually stutter was when she felt Oliver's fingers lightly push a stray strand of hair away from her forehead before he whispered a phrase that if her eyes had been open it would have made them shut once more.

"You can use me as a pillow whenever you'd like…"

Before her mind could come up with a retort or even just a small huh she felt her father's hands as they were braced on either side of her pulling her forward until he had her face pressed snugly into his welcoming chest. Felicity smiled into the cotton of his shirt as he rubbed her back soothingly telling Oliver that he wanted a few moments alone with his daughter. Once she heard the door click closed he pulled her back his voice shifted from soft and calm to hard and demanding.

"Felicity you know how I feel about that boy…he's trouble I mean look what his friendship with Tommy and…" His voice froze as her name died on his lips.

"Dad Laurel and Tommy weren't Oliver's fault he wasn't even around when she died…" Felicity sighed as she leaned forward once more her body suddenly felt drained from the conversation that they'd yet to have.

"Also he doesn't deserve to be judged for his past…no one does." The last part was whispered but his body going rigid beneath her told her he'd heard it none the less.

"Fair point well made as ever Lissy-Girl."

Felicity smiled and leaned back as she used her fingers to lightly touch the side of his still slightly gaunt face. "Where's mom?" Felicity asked almost timidly.

Quentin's response was small and equally as timid. "At the hotel…we're going home this evening and we're taking Tommy and Ava with us."

"You don't have to do that dad…" Felicity could feel the unsaid words hanging between them like a knife that was just begging to fall.

"Yes we do…I fell apart when Laurel died…we sold your home and forced you to come here all the way from Boston just so you could take care of the family she'd left behind."

Felicity once again sighed heavily dropping her hand and using what little strength she'd regained to stand and then to walk gingerly to the back of the office in search of a chair that kept their bodies separated from the other.

"I took the job before she died dad, Sara and I had already made the downpayment on the townhome we were moving to be closer to our sister so it's not like I made a huge sacrifice…"

"Then why does it feel like you did?" Felicity glanced towards him her eyes taking in the details of his still worn appearance. Quentin was still thin but his skin were brighter than before, his eyes were no longer dull and lifeless no now they were angry and resentful and his body was rigid.

Felicity spoke once more before he could be given the chance to say that he didn't want to fight. Her words she knew would continue to hit home. "Because you and mom lost your minds and left Sara and I to clean up the mess."

"I don't want to fight sweetie…"

Sighing heavily as she often did Felicity replied. "Fine so does Tommy know?"

He nodded as his weary frame leaned against the dark wooden table. "Yes he and Ava are with Donna right now. You'll have to tell Sara when you get home."

"Fine…" Looking down at her hands she found that she once more had them clenched into tight fists on either side of my body. "Well I have a presentation to get to…"

"Are you ever going to forgive me for what happened? It was a year ago why can't you just understand that I was in a state of immense grief."

Felicity looked up at that his expression was somber but his voice was still hard as ice. She stood and using the voice that she'd grown accustomed to using whenever in his presence she spoke using the same words that she'd used the night before he went to rehab.

"I'll forgive you when you realize that her death wasn't my fault."

With that Felicity walked out of the room and straight into the massive chest of one Oliver Queen.

* * *

He was hard as solid granite as she plowed straight into him…Felicity would have stumbled backwards had it not been for his grasp on her upper arms. "Hey let's not go for round two shall we?"

Felicity looked up in that moment and then her heart froze in mid beat. Suddenly my blackout made perfect sense…

His voice, his touch, his face and now she'd fully felt his body…the same body that had been pressed against her for the past five years in her vivid dreams. She'd blacked out because standing before her was her Oliver….

Standing before her was the man who'd begged her to say "I love you" just mere hours before…. Felicity hoped she was going insane because that would make this easier…No she'd known who her dream man was…she'd known that he was Oliver Queen but what she hadn't expected was the look in his eyes when he'd dared to glance upon her.

Pushing her nerves aside she attempted a small smile as she timidly began to string few simple words together. Her heart once again began to beat like a steel drum. "Thank you…" She swallowed hard as she tried to escape from his solid embrace.

"You don't like me much do you?" Felicity huffed before retorting…

"I don't know you so how can I dislike you?" Felicity knew she was playing with fire but still that didn't stop her from attempting to remove herself from his touch; his grip however was firm and his strength was impressive.

"Then why are you trying so hard to escape my touch?"

Felicity at that moment gaped at him openly as the impact of his question surged through her brain. "I'm just trying to reach the conference room that's all." Her voice was strangled but her intent she felt was clear.

"Well my placing my hand at the small of your back won't hinder that process now will it?" He was pushing her but for what she was still unsure. So Felicity pushed back hoping that his answer would put her unspoken fears to rest.

"Why do you need to touch me at all?"

His lips slightly upturned at that as if he'd sensed what she'd been attempting to do so he tightened his hold on her arms; his thumbs were softly rubbing over her silk blouse in small concentric motions as he replied. "What if I told you I felt drawn to you?"

Felicity's breath caught in her throat as her lips curved to form a small reply. "I'd say you were full of crap…so if you don't mind…"

He released her as he stepped out of her way holding his arms out before he gave her a clipped reply. "Lead the way Ms. Smoak."

Sensing his rather bruised ego she smirked before strutting slightly past him as she gave him her own equally curt response. "My pleasure Mr. Queen."

The day had gone by quickly after that but her mind kept wandering back to their earlier exchange….

He'd pushed back… he'd kept them in direct contact…his eyes... that's what kept haunting her as she moved the pen back and forth between her lips. Her Oliver it was him but how? Her Oliver had been nothing more than a dream...a vision for some lost and damaged little girl. Oliver Queen was an easy target she'd seen him in the rags and she'd heard the sob story of his tragic youth through her media savvy mother. So the question remained was this man really her Oliver? Was this more than some relationship she'd made up in her very imaginative brain. Felicity sighed as the questions kept banging around her in brain she was going insane that's all there was to it. The stress of Laurel's death had finally won…Felicity had finally lost her damn mind. Felicity wouldn't recall when she drifted to sleep but what happened once she did would haunt her for days to come…

 _"_ _This makes no sense why is he doing this? Oliver why do we keep losing each other?"_

 _He was on the opposite side of the room shoving our limited clothing into the small knapsack that he'd been carrying on the day we'd first met. "He's doing what he's done each time baby…he won't stop until he's won…he won't stop until we're separated for good."_

 _"_ _It's not fair…"_

 _"_ _Felicity…"_

 _"_ _No Oliver I can't do this again I can't lose you again I've lost you too many times before I won't survive it again…I can't…"_

 _He dropped my sweater as his back shifted upwards; his body turned until he was fully facing me. "I love you do you love me?"_

 _I glared at him my response was quick and clear. "Yes of course I do why would you even ask such a question?"_

 _He sighed before walking towards me. "Because each time we've found each other we've always been torn apart. Felicity if you don't love me then tell me now…If you don't want me tell me now before we once again are forced to suffer this horrible fate."_

 _"_ _Oliver I love you…I'm in love with you just like I have been for lifetimes now…I just…" His hands were cradling my face as my tears coated his warm skin._

 _"_ _Hate this." I nodded against his embrace as he lowered his lips to my forehead. "I do too baby…I do too."_

 _"_ _Will we ever be together?" I felt his body shuddering beneath my touch as my arms banded tightly around his waist._

 _"_ _Yes because I refuse to live in a world where I don't love you…"_

 _"_ _I love you Oliver…I love you with all my heart…" I whispered the words against his lips as the walls around us suddenly split and cracked, the floors rattled violently as we clung to the other…_

 _"_ _Are you ready?"_

 _"_ _No…" Before he could answer back I pressed our lips fully together as I wrapped my arms even tighter around his body hoping to fill our last moments with love instead of sadness…suddenly we were torn apart as the floor gave out beneath our feet._

Felicity awoke with a start…

She glanced around the room making sure that she was still safe in her office with no shaking walls anywhere in sight.

The dreams were getting worse because now instead of finding her imaginary lover she was now remembering what appeared to be past lives with him. Without pausing Felicity pressed the 3rd speeddial and waited for the person on the other to respond.

"Hello Dr. Shaw…Yes I have a problem…the dreams the ones that I told you about…well I just had another one…"


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended. I own nothing in relation to Arrow or its characters.

Chapter 4: Truth

I just looked at him my eyes roaming freely over his seated form as he did the same.

Each of us just sat there in silence as we both gathered our thoughts into what I hoped were complete sentences.

"You're real..." I shut my eyes in shame the moment the words left my mouth my hands coming up to shield my shame filled face. "Sorry for some odd reason having you here in front of me has made me a bumbling, babbling idiot." I muttered my last sentence into my damp palms as my voice cracked from the humiliation I was sure to soon be experiencing.

"Yes but you've known that for at least the past two years...or at least I hoped you knew..." His voice on that last statement was low, light, and filled with a slight amount of worry.

Removing my hands from eyes I glanced once more into the endless blue orbs that had haunted my dreams for the past 15 years. I smiled softly as I really took him in...

Oliver was always beautiful...which is an odd way to describe a man but that's what he'd always been to me...

He'd always been beautiful...

He'd always been mine...

Now with him sitting before me I felt scared, relived, and for some reason I felt hesitant. Oliver knew everything about me right down to the nuts and bolts of what made my heart beat slower or faster. He knew what made my face flush, and my palms sweat, he knew what made my blood run cold, and what made me body burn with fire from within...

He knew every facet of my being as I knew his...

And that is what made me hesitate...

That's what made me hold back...

For I'd seen him through his darkest days...I'd seen after he killed that man in the alley way...I'd seen him after each torture session his body was bloodied and scarred...I'd seen every part of him and not once did I ever want to run away...but before it was all just a dream; something I'd made up to shelter my heart from ever truly being broken again...

Now he was here...

Now he was real...

And if it were possible I'd begun to fall even harder for him than I had before...

"I knew Oliver...deep down I always knew...I just..."

"You were scared because you felt something for me that you didn't feel for anyone else..." Again his voice was barely above a whisper and gave nothing away but those eyes they gave everything away.

"Oliver please..." My voice was tired but far from annoyed...I knew we had to have this discussion but that didn't mean I was anywhere close to being emotionally ready for it.

He sat up and leaned forward placing his hands once again on my desk his long dexterous fingers were splayed across the clear cool surface. "No we're going to do this Felicity...you've been running from us since that night and all the nights that came after it...I won't let you keep running from me..."

My eyes shot up at his last statement as my blood went cold. "Those nights never should have happened." My voice was cold with a warning layered within the simple phrase.

"Well they did and I intend for them to continue..."

"That might be quite difficult since you have yet to actually kiss me while we're both awake..." He eyed me cautiously as he inched closer his chest was now braced against the desks edge as he inched his fingers closer and closer to my own clenched fists.

"Is that an invitation?" I rolled my eyes at the corny pick up line before sliding my now open palms forward along the smooth surface of my desk.

"Bad line...do better..." His lips curved as his eyes lit up from within his fingers were now overlapping with my own as they slowly twined with mine.

"Tell me what you want Felicity and I'll do it...I promise..." Our bodies were now mirroring the other's. My chest was now pressed to the desks edge and our hands were now fully joined in the center as our eyes remained locked to the other. I could feel the electric current bubbling just beneath my skin's surface as I kept inching closer and closer my body was practically begging to wrapped within his arms.

"I want..." My voice came out hard, aroused, and low as I struggled to form the words that I'd repeated for years in my head.

"Felicity just tell me...stop being so goddamned stubborn and tell me what you want..." His own voice was now mirroring mine so holding on to what little composure and pride I had left I leaned my body forward rising slightly from my chair so I could press my lips to the underside of his jaw.

"You first..." I could feel the spark growing as his skin bit into my own his fingers were wrapped so tightly around my own that I was sure he'd leave small light bruises behind. His breath faltered and stalled as he nuzzled his nose down the contours of my face.

"I want you...kissing me...holding me...moving rapidly above me...I want you writhing beneath me as you call out my name...I want our shared dreams to be our shared reality." I was shaking with each hard sure word that escaped from his lightly curved mouth our lips were hovering above the others as our heavy breathes mingled together...I was so close to throwing all caution to the wind but his last words made my heart plummet all the way down to my stomach.

"I just want you to be in love with me..." His voice was no longer hard or low; now it was light, sad, and I sensed slightly defeated. His forehead was resting against my my own for a few spare moments as he slowly began to pull away..."I just want you to want me...I just want you to stop running from me..." His words kept coming like water as if falls freely from the cliff's edge.

"I love you...I'm in love with you...and I'm afraid that you'll never feel the same..." My heart broke into a thousand pieces as his body went slack and his face became drawn.

"Oliver..." I tried to bring him back to me I tried to keep our hands entwined but he'd given me what I'd truly wanted...he'd given me my out

But all the sudden it was the last thing I wanted...all the sudden all I wanted was him... He was spiraling now...he'd begun to twist away from our shared hold as his face fell downwards and his emotions suddenly came flooding forth.

"Oliver please you don't understand..."

"Yes I do I've done horrible things Felicity...I've killed, and tortured countless people all so I could survive...I've come to your beaten, scarred, bloodied, and broken and I always saw the look that was deeply etched upon your face...I always knew you were better than me but deep down I always hoped that you could still see me...that you could still see the boy who'd first come to you when his parents died...the one that laughed with you, and cried with you, and held you as your world continued to fall apart..."

I grabbed at his fingers before he could fully pull us apart...clenching down with what little strength I had left to summon I yanked his arm forward causing him to spin around so he was once again fully facing me.

"I love you...do you hear me I love you...Oliver I'm so in love with you that I was willing to spend my life in damn dream world just to stay with you..." I was practically shouting at him as I waited for him to process my last words. "Oliver please hear me...please I'm just scared and confused...but I don't want to lose you...I never want to lose you..." I couldn't tell if he was still with me or if I'd waited too long to tell him what was truly in my heart...that was until he finally moved very rapidly towards me...

* * *

I had no more than blinked before he had me pressed firmly up against the bookcase along the back wall of my office. He'd yanked my arms up until he had our hands interlocked directly above my head...his body was pressed dangerously close to mine as his lips hovered directly above my slightly parted lips...

"I love you..." I could feel the steady hum as the current between us began to build our frenzied breaths helped to create an intense friction between our joined chests. Letting my eyes flutter until they were completely shut I took in how it felt to have his body pinning me...trapping me...and consuming me as he held us firmly in place against the book-cased wall.

"I love you Oliver...I love y..." We'd kissed multiple times in our shared dream world. We'd had slow, long, and exploratory exchanges that allowed our senses to take in every soft purposeful moan. We'd had the quick rapid kisses that we exchanged in relief as his broken soul fell before me in the husk that was now coated in one more irremovable scar. I could still feel the harsh brush of his stubbed skin as my fingertips brushed over his jawline...memorizing his face with my touch alone. We'd shared the kisses that you felt all the way down to your toes...We'd shared the kisses that you'd felt long after your lips had parted...we'd shared everything that our mere bodies could experience and still in this one lone moment all of that paled to the fire and the emotion I could feel as his lips roughly seared against my own.

His lips were soft, pliant, and full as he leaned in closer...I felt his lips curving into a small smile when I moaned against him. I felt his fingers curving downwards as he crushed us further and further into the solid black columns of the case behind me. He focused on my bottom lip as I paid very rapt attention to his top. He sucked and nipped until I was writing against his strong hips...I shoved my chest forwards once I felt his tongue lightly tracing along the edge of my upper lip. He kissed me until I began to go slack and only then did he pull away but only so our lips would be parted...the rest of him stayed firmly nestled against my oxygen deprived form.

"Wow..." I was panting heavily as was he but that didn't stop the smile from returning nor did it silence his joyous reply.

"Wow indeed..." His breaths like my own were still coming in hard and fast but my back was about to break so I pushed against him until he moved backwards my head falling forwards in gratitude once I could no longer feel the hard edge of the bookcase as it dug into my lower back.

"Sorry my back was killing me..." He kissed my hair just as he'd been doing since I was ten years old and finally brought my arms down to rest around his neck as his own finally banded around my waist.

"We have so much more to talk about you know." I nodded against our joined foreheads as we slightly swayed back and forth.

"I know but..."

"But not here and not now...I know...so when?" His voice was both eager but understanding as he once again let me chart the course in this often rocky if not unsettled sea.

"Where are you staying?" My voice was still weak from our previous encounter but loud enough for his ears to hear me.

"Actually I'm not far from you I suspect..." I looked up at him quizzically and then remembered Tommy...

"Tommy told you where I was living didn't he?" He just nodded slowly before voicing his reply.

"You're not mad at me are you?" I should have been but that innocent almost terrified look in his eyes made my slight ire all but vanish on site.

"No...not really." I sighed before voicing my next retort. "Come by my house around 8? Sara has a night shift at the lab tonight so she won't be home until dawn. That should give us plenty of time to talk...and yes I mean actually talk no kissing or physical contact of any sort got it?"

He nodded again as he pressed lips lightly to my own. "Got it...so I'll see you tonight at 8..."

"Yes tonight at 8...Oh and Oliver?..." He was still holding me so I could feel the laughter building in his chest with my last comment. "You're cooking dinner."

* * *

We parted shortly after that his lips lingered on my forehead as our joined hands fought to stay together until the bitter end. I leaned heavily against the door frame as I watched his back moving beneath the light grey of his dress jacket. I kept him in my sites until the elevator doors finally sealed shut. Then with some hesitance I walked slowly towards my desk picking up the phone and dialing an all too familiar number.

"So how did it go?" I smiled hearing her lively voice on the other end of the phone.

"Good...he knew me Sara...he knew me..."

"You're kidding? Have you told Shaw yet? I mean she did like you know lose her medical license because of you." I sighed recalling that whole mess almost two years ago...

"Not yet she's my next call...and Sara?"

"Yes Lissy-Girl?"

"He's coming over tonight at 8."

I smiled as she gave her rather enthusiastic reply. "You're so lucky that I'm working tonight...I expect a full report at dawn."

"Yeah that won't be happening..."

"It will if he's still there..." I blushed as I said goodbye and placed the phone lightly back on the receiver. Tonight was going to be interesting that much was guaranteed.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended. I own nothing in relation to Arrow or it's characters.

Chapter 5: Two Sides to Every Story

I felt her eyes boring through the fabric of my jacket as I walked almost stiffly to the elevator doors. Most people did things in a normal fashion you know they would meet first and exchange the awkward hello and nice to meet you followed by the stray smile or flirtatious glance. Those first few moments would then be followed by the lame pick up line or even two lame pick up lines. If you were lucky enough those few stupid lines would at least open the door enough so that she'd even consider giving you more of her valuable time by saying yes to your invitation to dinner. With Felicity well we'd done nothing the right way...

We'd done it all the wrong way...

I stepped forward and had to resist turning back knowing that her smiling face would be there waiting for me. I'd spent hours dreaming of that smile, of those lips that were always so full and soft when I leaned in to kiss them. She'd never know just how much she truly meant to me...

She'd never know how much she changed me...

She'd never know how she saved me...

I could barely hear the rustle or the bustle as body after body filled the small cramped elevator as I passed through level after level until I finally reached my own. All I could do was picture that moment...the first moment that I saw her coming towards me from beneath the pale, dim, and strangely never ending light. I'd lost my parents that night...they'd gone out to see a play what play I couldn't begin to tell you but they'd left us alone with nothing more than a few vague happy memories to keep us warm at night. I could still hear Raisa's raised panicked voice as the police told her that there'd been an accident...I could still hear the rain as it hit softly against the tempered glass...I could still feel the blood draining from my face as I leaned against the rail of the winding staircase...the news floated upwards and hit me square in the chest.

They'd died instantly upon impact so at least according to the police they'd felt little to no pain. No the only pain that was felt was by those they'd left behind. Raisa didn't stop crying for almost four days while Thea wandered around the house in a confused babbling haze. I on the other hand went numb...I'd stopped caring for things long before that day but not even my iron walls could erase the cold ache that had begun to invade my small young body.

Their loss should have broken me...

It should have destroyed what little light was still evident beneath my cool dead eyes...

I should have accepted my fate without hesitation or fear...

I should have died that night but instead I met the one person who made me want to live...

I met the one person who made me fight to survive...

I didn't know it then but I met the one person who would love me scars and all.

She was younger than me with dark wavy hair that fell just below her shoulders. All and all she was nothing much to look at nor did she hold anything more than a passing interest as I sat there huddled against the back of the foreign black wall. No her appearance isn't what drew me in...What made me trust her...what made me open up to her was her voice. She'd speak every once in awhile as I stayed curled in the fetal position just waiting for the dream to end so that I could once again return home. After the first night I felt nothing more than a twinge of regret as I woke the next morning her soft wistful voice still filling my senses as the morning sun warmed my tear stained face. The second night was no different the twinge was stronger but the regret remained the same. By the fourth night I'd finally snapped...she'd be there sitting in the middle of that damn room just talking about nothing and everything all at the same time...she was so...so...

She was the light in my otherwise darkened universe so against my better judgement I spoke letting her in one small simple word at a time. She always went first telling me about her day...about her mother and about her loss. Her father had left them for another woman...and another life. She'd been devastated so I did what I normally didn't do I actually asked to know more.

"Will you ever forgive him? You know for leaving you?" My voice was hesitant and almost shockingly still but still despite all that she'd heard me...she always heard me.

"One day...I'll forgive him one day...but it just isn't going to be today." She smiled softly in my direction as she picked at a loose string on her panda covered pajama bottoms. "How about you? Will you ever forgive them?"

"For what?" I was curious so I inched a sheer millimeter closer...for once I brought my face forwards into the light.

Her voice was soft and delicate like a melody floating along the air on a warm spring day. Her words striking a cord that I feared I'd never fully let go of. "For dying...do you think you'll ever forgive them for leaving you and your sister alone to fend for yourselves?"

I chewed on her words as they bounced back and forth within my head until I found the words that up until know I'd been reluctant to admit. "No...No Felicity I don't think I truly ever will." With that last parting thought I leaned back settling firmly into the wall but this time with one stark exception this time I held out my hand...

Much to my shock she accepted.

* * *

As I turned the knob on the glass door I smiled recalling another moment of our shared history that had brightened my usually very dark soul crushing days.

"You know you're skin is going to be a roadmap of scars before too much longer..." We'd been sitting in front of each other for about an hour at this point she had her legs curled beneath her while my own were spread out around her small form.

"Really I show you something that greatly bothers me and you make it into a joke? You know I'm just not sure about you sometimes Felicity." My tone was light so she knew I was kidding but none the less she looked up from the game she'd insisted that we play.

"Oliver I'd like you if you were covered in boils and pot marks. You're my best friend...you're the only person I can talk to these days..." I heard her tone shift as she slightly stumbled over her last words.

"Felicity what are you hiding from me?" She chewed at her bottom lip just as she always did when she was nervous or attempting to hide something from me so I pressed on bringing my palms up to touch against her own as she kept them held stiffly over mine. "Felicity talk to me...what's wrong?"

She'd gone silent which for Felicity was a dead give away that something was truly wrong. "Felicity..."

"They think I'm crazy...the whole lot of them think I'm nuts because I keep dreaming of a teenage boy who has more scars on his body than a goddamn mafia solider. They've sent me to this doctor and Oliver it's bad she wants to put me on all these drugs...she claims I'm and I quote..." She held her fingers up as she signaled the sign for quotation marks as she finished the woman's absurd claims. "That I'm experiencing a break with reality...I think she's just hard up for money and that she's see's my parents as easy targets. Either way Oliver...she's...she'..." Her voice began to shake and tremble so I did what I'd always done to comfort her I moved forward until I had her small frame wrapped in my much larger one.

"Felicity shhh...it's alright...no one is going to hurt you..." She coughed and hiccuped as her cries lessened and her body stilled.

"She's going to take you away from me...she's going to make it so I can't find you anymore..." I could hear the fear and the panic in her voice as she continued to quietly sob into my grey shirt. I held her as I kissed her darkened tresses. My heart was breaking for her...but it was also breaking for myself as well. She was my light...she was my one bright spot in a world filled with grey...she was my best friend and I wasn't about to lose her without a fight.

"She can't take me away Felicity..." I spoke softly into her hair as her fingers dug deeply into my forearms.

"You don't know that..." She snuffled and shifted as she curled closer into the warmth of my chest.

"Yes I do...she can't break us if we don't let her."

"What do you mean?" She was still snuffling into my chest but her voice had shifted from sad to suddenly hopeful.

"I mean she can't break what she can't reach. Felicity I don't know if this is real or all just made up by two very broken and scared people but she can't touch what doesn't really exist."

"So if I say you're not real then it's like I'm shutting off the part my brain that reaches out to you?"

I smiled into her hair marveling at how smart someone so young could truly be. "Yes she can't touch what doesn't exist. She can't touch us Felicity...no one can..."

I'd grow to regret those words as she grew...

I'd grow to hate that moment as she became this strong, beautiful force of nature that one day was the little girl I'd sworn to protect...until she was the only woman I'd risk life and limb to see. Yes I'd grown to regret telling her we weren't real...because in some way she'd been more real to me then all the people who'd floated in and out of my tortured life.

No I did regret those words but in that moment as she smiled lightly against my tear soaked shirt I'd never felt happier in all my life.

* * *

I'd unbuttoned my dress jacket and was in the process of undoing my tie as i took my seat behind my own glass desk. This moment didn't bring me joy but it did tell me that no matter what I'd done or became she'd always care for me...

"Tell me where you hid the money Victor...tell me and all this can end..." My skin was coated in his dried blood as my voice almost slithered slowly past my tense lips. My assignment was clear...

Simple...

Direct...

This man had been working for my father's company long before my training had begun. He'd been present as they tore apart my back with the thick leather whips...each lash tore away small bits and pieces of flesh as I screamed until my vocal cords bled. He'd stood there as they broke every bone in my young unmarred hands claiming that through pain one found strength...through pain one found redemption. He'd stood there as they almost burned me alive...yes Victor has seen them beat me, torture me, drug me, and finally break me. He'd seen the kind of monster they'd created and he'd never once flinched. Now as I stood before him with a bloodied screw driver in my hand he looked scared, alarmed, and shocked. He'd seen them create me but he never wagered that they'd really break me...he never thought he'd one day be at my mercy as I was so often at his.

I brought the metal weapon down until I could feel the crunch of his skull beneath the metals angled head. I kept hitting him until the one side of his face was caved in... the only way to identify him would be through dental records...I was covered in his blood...I was covered in his life...I was finally the monster they'd worked so hard to create. His crime had been minor but his goals had been long term. My father had been involved with the Bravta for years but I'd never realized just how far down those ties truly lied.

"He ordered your parent's murder Oliver...he is the reason you're here instead of your father...he's the reason you're the monster you are...he took away your choices in life...he created his own destruction..."

I could hear Alexi's dead cold voice as I drifted off to sleep my heart torn between what was right and what was wrong...

His blood still slightly stained my arms as the remnants of his flesh clung tightly in the spaces between my fingernails and my skin. His death coated me...and covered me with a thick veil of shame. I'd killed a man today...I'd tortured a man until my own rage ended his life. She's seen it all my sweet Felicity she'd been there when I'd first killed...she'd been there during my second and third...she'd held me as I broke down her open pure and loving heart kept my own afloat as my demons threatened to swallow me whole. Now as I shut my eyes and closed off my heart I prayed to see her face so that my broken tattered soul might one day find a way to forgive itself for the vile acts I'd committed today.

"Oliver...oh god...Oliver what have you done?"

I rushed towards her as the tears fell freely down my face I had my face buried in her abdomen as I slowly slid down her shock ridden form. I clung to her needing her warmth... her words...her comfort...and her heart. I needed to remember what it was like to feel alive so I clung to the one person who'd made the instinct to survive burn that much brighter.

"Oliver please talk to me...tell me what happened...Oliver please you can trust me...I won't ever abandon you...I promise..."

With my fingers digging roughly into her soft pliant flesh I gave her the only words my raw frozen throat could create...

"I love you Felicity..."

She'd said nothing all she did was run her soft and sure fingers through my course hair until she felt my body finally begin to still...she said nothing as she slid down her chest brushing lightly down the path of my skin until her eyes were level with mine. There we were both of us on our knees as my arms banded securely around her waist her own hands held my face so her lips were directly in line with mine.

"I'm never going to abandon you...I promise..." She brushed her lips rather timidly against my own before I took control sealing us together until I felt we'd began to become one.

She didn't say the words...

Because she knew deep down she didn't have too...

* * *

My musings were interrupted by the small knock at my glass door.

"Have you told her yet?"

I looked up to see his slightly worried face as he came closer...

"You're nerves are going to be you're undoing my friend. I'm going to see her tonight...all this will be over soon John I promise."

"You said that two years ago when I tracked your ass down after she almost got herself killed trying to get to you...you were her world then I can only imagine how much worse those damn visions are going to get now that you're together again."

I signed as I ran a hand down the length of my face. He was now seated before me and his anxiety was clearly written all over his tired and drawn face. "I love her John I won't lose her again."

"I don't doubt that you forget I've seen what those visions do to you...I've seen you tear into your own skin while you're in the midst of those damn visions. But you haven't seen what they do to her..."

"John..."

"No you don't understand that damn doctor had her so drugged up that she flat-lined twice in the span of five minutes...Oliver her heart stopped because she so desperately wanted to find you..."

Anger was edged in my voice as I rose from my chair. "You forget what happened when her heart stopped... so did my own"

"It doesn't matter Oliver she'd almost died again when she came to Starling City because she against any form of good judgement kept going to that doctor in a vain attempt to bring about those damn memories...she was so desperate to prove you were real that she wound up almost dead in that damn alley..."

"John I never would have let that happen..." my voice was edged even further as he circled around a subject I'd rather forget.

"She thinks Laurel is dead Oliver...she as no idea that it's Laurel who's responsible for all this...she doesn't know the whole story...she doesn't know who Laurel and Lance for that matter really are...Oliver she's going to be crushed..."

He hadn't risen once during his entire speech he just sat there with his elbows braced against the hard surface of the tables unforgiving glass. His eyes were lined at the edges and his lips were thinning with age. He'd grown tired of the constant lies...and frankly so had I.

"John I'd die for her...hell I have how many times now..."

He exhaled loudly before replying. "Based on all the stories and facts we've managed to find in the past two years..." He closed his eyes briefly before delivering his final response. "You're at lucky number 13 and we're still no closer to figuring out how all this is actually possible."

"She's the key Digg...according to Julie she's has the memories that we need but without a direct connection to me she can't..."

"Access them yes I've heard it all before...She loves you Oliver this is going to destroy her..."

I smiled softly before turning my computer screen around revealing how little he really knew of the woman I'd spent lifetimes falling for. "She knows more than you think..."

"Oliver how?...How did she gather all this intel?"

His voice was shocked and to my amusement also slightly proud. "She's a genius Digg...she's also stubborn so after we well um..."

"Yeah after you two had sex Oliver it was in some messed up dream world that only you two can access it wasn't real..."

"It was for me..." I whispered the last part as he smiled nodding in understanding as he reviewed her many findings.

"You think she's ready for the truth?" His voice was hesitant but ready for this whole long drawn out story to be finally over.

"She has to be...if the timeline remains consistent than in less than 6 months we're both going to die..." My throat clenched as the last words caught in my throat.

"But this time it will be for good..."


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended I own nothing in relation to Arrow or it's characters.

Chapter 6: Nerves

I moved around my apartment with very little ease and even less grace as I picked up Sara's "misplaced" clothing from every single small crevice that our townhome could have. My sister had many fine and even down right adorable qualities but her housekeeping skills well they were lacking. One hand held about three or four tee shirts, the other was filled with her various necklaces, about three pairs of shorts and her three inch peep toe pumps were hanging freely from my fingers. However what made this moment perfect was that fact that I also had two of her lacy frilly bright red bras hanging over my currently bare shoulder...so of course I would have a rather loud if not frantic knock at the door.

"I'm coming...well sort of...one minute..." I maneuvered my way through the obstacle course of her other personal affects as I attempted to carefully and quickly answer the loud and rather persistent knock at the door.

"I'm coming just...well just keep your pants on!" I had my hand on the door when I heard the ring of an all to familiar voice...

"I forgot my key so just hold off from lecturing me and move your ass my arms are getting tired here." I had to restrain myself from snorting out loud as I turned the knob and using my only spare limb...my foot I pushed the door wide open.

Once I saw her the loud and rather unattractive snort I'd managed to keep within was suddenly released as she sneered before pushing her shoulder roughly into my own as she shuffled past. "Sara did you fall into like every single puddle in Starling? My God sweetie you're drenched and..." I could smell the slight wet and moldy odor as it lingered faintly in foyer of our shared home. "Um Sara why do you smell like..." I breathed in deeply once more attempting to find the right words to convey the odor that was steadily growing stronger.

"A sewer the word you're looking for is a sewer and the reason is my stupid if not unbelievably well intentioned girlfriend..." Just as the word girlfriend slipped from her tight pursed lips in stomped an equally wet and just as smelly Nyssa.

"I never asked you to travel down into the sewer you chose to make that rather abhorrent choice all on your own my love." I glanced between the two women as they proceeded to stare each one mentally throwing daggers at the other.

"Yes but did you not say and I quote but Sara it's my last remaining heirloom from my mother..." I was leaning against the still open door frame watching with a great degree of interest as they continued to throw one verbal volley after the other... each one standing firm and strong as they continued to drip the rotten sewage laden water onto our newly installed hardwood floors.

"I never asked you to open the grate and climb in...I was suggesting that we perhaps track the wretched water's flow..."

"Nyssa it's a storm drain it flows down to to another underwater tunnel and then down to the cities water recycle plant. Trust me baby that damn necklace was gone if we followed your line of thought."

Sara had begun to trudge up the stairs muttering small light curses as her shoes slipped against the floors smooth surface. "Damn stupid fucking shiny ass floor...Felicity next time I'm choosing the floor!" I couldn't help but chuckle as I moved away from the open door.

"Nyssa let's get you some warm, dry and well clean smelling clothes shall we?"

"Yes that would be wonderful...Hello Lissy..." She smiled gently kissing my cheek before she closed my still open door. "Sorry about all this...I know that you had plans for this evening."

I just rolled my eyes as I dumped the contents of Sara's closet on our creme colored couch before moving towards the laundry basket at the other end. "Don't worry about it...I'll just reschedule..."

"Oh no you won't Felicity Meghan Smoak you are going to see him tonight if I have to drug you and carry you over there myself." I glanced towards the stairs as a now partially dry Sara appeared from just below the landing.

"Sara..."

"No I've had to watch for two years as you've subjected yourself to various hypnosis sessions, drug therapies and even a few ill fated trances just so you could find the answers that your hacking abilities couldn't find. You are going to see this through." She had closed in on me now as she put her slightly cooled skin upon my very flushed face. "You love him...don't run away from that...you've spent two years trying to run towards him don't backpedal now." Leaning into her offered comfort I closed my eyes sighing heavily before nodding into her familiar palm.

"I'm scared Sara...what if he hates me when I tell him the truth...what if he doesn't understand...what if he turns away from me...I can't lose him Sara...Not again..." She smiled at me as my voice became soft and weak my fear was beginning to take hold as my knees began to knock rapidly against the other.

"He loves you...who wouldn't?"

I glared at her but smiled softly right after. "He's not you..."

"No he's more...he's the only person in the world who can truly understand what you've been through because he's been through it too." She came closer until she our foreheads tightly pressed together as our arms naturally wound around the other's waist. "He's seen every facet of you and he still wants you...don't waste that by being too afraid to make your own move. For once baby sister take what you want." She paused briefly before saying what we'd already both known was true. "You want him so grab him and never let go..."

"I love you big sister..."

She smiled as she leaned back bringing her hand up to once again cup the side of my face. "I love you too little sister...do you think he'll react better than I did when you tell him about Laurel and dad?"

Now I fell forward as my forehead came smashing down to her shoulder."Sara how could he? I mean how do you tell the love of your life that your step sister and step father are the reason we've been trapped in this strange past life nightmare for over 500 years..." I sighed as I continued to mumble softly into her soft cotton hoodie. "I mean it's like a tagline from some really bad or even sappy romance novel...you didn't believe me until I found Laurel 10 months ago why the hell would he?"

"Maybe because he's been suffering from the same nightmares as you?" I heard Nyssa's voice as Sara kept rubbing soothing patterns into the small of my back.

"I see you've told her..." I groaned loudly into her shoulder as she began to slightly giggle.

She sheepishly replied..."She guessed."

I pinched her sides which caused her to yelp. "You're an awful liar..." Looking towards Nyssa but staying in my sister's embrace I asked my sister's better half what she thought about my odd predicament. "Nyssa what do you think?"

Her fingers were coiled tightly around each other as she stood completely still her clothing hanging tightly around her as she became deathly focused on giving me her best response. "What if he's your missing key?"

I pushed away from Sara as I moved to lightly clasp my hands to her own. "What do you mean?"

She looked downwards as her feet moved lightly against the now thoroughly soaked floor. "You can't see past a certain point right?" I just nodded as she continued her voice becoming more confident with each passing phrase. "Well what if the reason for your mental limitation is him...what if you need him as he needs you to complete the puzzle...what if you two can't prevent the future without fully understanding your past?"

"We have to connect..."

"Yes but in the physical world not just in the spiritual one. You've come together in one plane correct?" I again nodded slightly as my face turned almost ruby red. "Yes..."

"More than once?" I was dying inside but she'd hit on a rather valid point the visions had always been there but they only appeared when Oliver and I connected...they only appeared when we'd broken through another invisible barrier.

"Yes more than once..." Now my fingers were clamped together as my body began to shudder in utter horror.

"How many times?"

"Nyssa!"

"What! I have a point in asking and no it's not just to see her turn yet another adorable shade of red..." She smiled at me slightly before whispering into my ear. "Although it is a fringe benefit..."

I laughed as Sara growled...

"Nyssa make your point before you and I come to blows." She smiled even wider but her normal no nonsense tone became softer, kinder and far more gentle than I'd thought she was capable of being.

"Felicity how many?" I shrugged acting like I didn't know the exact number but secretly I'd memorized each time I got to feel his skin beneath my fingernails as I raked through roughly down his scarred and burned flesh.

"Ummm..." I looked upwards with my eyes as my fingers started to turn white.

"Felicity come on fess up how many..." Sara's tone was annoyed but filled with a new purpose.

"45″ I'd said the number in tone that was one octave below a light whispering wind.

"Felicity..." Sara's tone was a warning one so I balled my hands into one giant fist and attempted to find my usually strong voice.

"45 alright we've had "dream sex" 45 times in two years and I see him every single time I sleep so really that's like barely a drop in the bucket." She snickered but it was Nyssa who responded.

"And the visions were they stronger and did they form a more complete picture after you'd been together?" Now my face was the color of Sara's bra that was thankfully now lying on the couch.

"Oh my god! You two totally did it last night didn't you? That's why the vision you had today was so strong! That means..."

"In order to figure out what really happened in our past Oliver and I have to..." I was so mortified by the turn this conversation had taken that I couldn't even form the words that were now lodged in the back of my throat.

"Oh come Lissy you've already had sex..." Her voice stilled and then changed when she thought about the circumstances. "Oh my god are you afraid that he won't want the real thing? Are you afraid that the real deal won't live up to the dream?"

"Can you blame me?" My voice was painfully small as she and Nyssa both fully enveloped me. "I know it's stupid but that wasn't real real...this will be...what if...what if I don't..."

"If his expectations aren't met then he doesn't deserve you. Love is more than the physical it's also about the emotional." Her face was nuzzled into the back of my neck while her arms wrapped around me from behind. Nyssa had her arms around my neck; her fingers drifted lightly through my hair. "Lissy you'll be perfect to him...I promise you could never disappoint him...never..." They both held me as I softly wept into Nyssa's still drenched and smelly coat. I took their strength and their warmth as I gathered the courage to do what I'd always secretly dreamed of doing. I picked up the phone so I could make a real formal first date with Oliver Queen.

* * *

I watched as he paced back and forth along the length of the small living space within the rented townhouse. "John please take a seat this is soon going to be nothing more than a distant memory."

He turned on his heel once again and continued his pointless journey going back and forth across the rooms expanse sighing heavily each time he neared my seated form. "She's not like you Oliver she's an innocent who doesn't deserve any of this...she's..."

"My entire world John do you really think I wouldn't move heaven and Earth to protect her? John I've known her since she was eight years old...I've cared for her since the night her father left and my parents died. I've held her as she's cried while she's be there to remind me what if feels like to be alive..." I took a deep breath and stood stopping his forward motions with a slight touch of my hand to his broad sturdy chest. "I don't exist without her so please stop thinking that I won't put her first...she comes before anything even myself." My voice wasn't hard or edged with anger it was simple, soft but direct as well. I'd never do anything to harm her but convincing him of this simple fact still to this day took quite a bit of effort.

"It's hard to imagine that a man like you can feel that way towards a woman like her..." His reply was not an insult or a reprimand it was just a simple statement of fact.

"I know." My lips upturned slowly as I moved past his massive frame my hand lightly grazing the top of his shoulder in a friendly pat as I passed. "The information for the groups movements I assume is on the desk in my bedroom?"

"Yes the group that's been tracking you has set up shop in the lower Glades just as you suspected they would...what are you going to do about this new wrinkle?"

I turned from the kitchen counter and faced him with my hands braced alongside my hips. My face was tight, in control, and prepared to make a statement that my bodygaurd of the moment would most likely take issue with. "I'll do what I've been trained to do..."

"Oliver you can't put her in danger like that..."

He was tensing like a lion stalking it's prey as his eyes narrowed into small direct points. "She's not going to be in any danger John I won't let that come anywhere near her...they'll keep till morning." I lowered my head exhaling loudly before I asked my next question. "Is she with them?"

He knew who "she" was before he finished his short phrase. "Yes she's the one that brought them here...She and her father must have been planning this for years so why not just take Felicity completely out of play?"

He'd just vocalized my own silent and unspoken words so I looked up taking in his braced posture; his arms crossed tightly against his chest. "It's different this time...She's never grown up with Felicity before...she's never been with another before...Laurel broke the rules of that damn would be curse."

His mouth quirked in confusion. "How?"

I smiled slightly recalling the small cooing sounds that Ava had made against the phones receiver just a mere hour before. "She had a daughter this time...she has what she took from me in the beginning...she has a family."

"What about Lance? He loves our girl so this can't be easy for him."

I nodded as I leaned into the countertops cool but still sharp edge. "He has no choice none of us do Digg...the only way this stops is if we can figure out what started it to begin with."

I could tell this aspect of my life still completely confused him so his next question wasn't surprising at all. "Oliver what do you think started all this? I mean why is it so important that you find her in every life? Wouldn't it be easier to just live a without her?"

"Have you ever been in love John?" My own arms were crossed against my chest; my legs laced one over the other on the cool marble floors. I looked at him with a clear head and no regret in my heart as he mulled over his forthcoming answer.

"Yes why?"

"What would you give to be with her?" He still seemed confused so I elaborated. "She's my reason for waking up...she's my reason to continue breathing through the injuries of my past...she makes me better but the real reason this all started is because she died...she and our unborn child died so that I could survive...I could live a thousand lifetimes and never be worthy of her love."

"They killed her in the first life didn't they?" I nodded as he finally took the seat located just behind his very rigid form. "So do you think she's seen them as well...the visions I mean?"

"She's seen them."

"How do you know?"

I shuddered as I recalled our last shared moments in the dreamscape that had been at times more real to me than even the waking world. "I just do."

He was about to respond when I felt my pocket buzz. Bringing my phone forward I looked over the name that flashed before me. I smiled slowly as my finger eagerly pressed answer. "I've missed you..."

Her tone was light but I could feel the hesitation and fear buried within it. "I don't think I'll ever adjust to this..." I smiled before asking my next question.

"Felicity I'm going to see you in an hour so what's wrong? Why are you calling baby?"

"Can I come to you instead?" Her answer was quick and her voice trembled slightly in unexpressed fear.

"I'd like nothing more...same time?" I was smiling like a fool as she said yes... I hung up a moment later with Diggle looking at me strangely.

"What?" He snicked as he stood moving with a renewed purpose towards the door.

"How will she know where to come?" His question was dodging my own but right now I was too happy to care.

"Trust me she knows..." With that he patted my shoulder and left leaving me standing alone in the small kitchen with my grin etched firmly within the lines of my for once relaxed face.

* * *

"God why am I so nervous?" I had changed almost four or five times in the past 45 minutes and I was still at a loss of what I should wear.

"Felicity it's dinner not a proposal..." She was leaning against my door frame as I started to throw the contents of my closet out and onto my now very cluttered floor.

"He's only really seen me in well..." I grasped at my bottom lip with my teeth as I attempted to decide between the black pencil skirt or the white frilly lace trimmed skirt. Each one one accentuated a different aspect of my form. "He's seen me in sweats Sara or some stupid ratty tee shirt that has like four holes in the sides from frequent use. So yes Sara this is very important this is my chance to well..."

"Oh my god you what to look beautiful for him don't you?" As usual my sister hit the nail right on the head with a her hammer like precision.

"So what if I do? What's so wrong with that?" I'd decided on the black pencil skirt which highlighted my rather fantastic backside. I had the skirt in place so I twirled around in front of my mirror as Sara watched me with a great deal of amusement. I looked over my shoulder at her as I picked up the black lined lace top that I'd only bought about two weeks before. "What?"

She was smiling...no she was beaming at me as she moved carefully into my now destroyed room. "I like seeing you happy...I like that he makes you happy..." Her tone told me there was more lingering just beneath the surface.

"But... Sara...come on give what are you so carefully dancing around?" I lowered my hands to my hips as I tilted my head down in an attempt to look both serious but maybe even slightly dangerous.

She began to frown as she ran her fingers lightly through my cascading blonde waves. "What if he's hiding things like you are? What if he's keeping secrets that are even worse than the one's you've been keeping? Felicity what if he's not who you think he is? I mean the Bravta is no joke..."

"Sara..." I'd regretted telling her about that damn tattoo moments after the words slipped past my lips. "I trust him."

"But..." I reached up and grasped her hands in mine as my voice went deathly stern.

"I love him Sara and I have an odd feeling that there's nothing anyone could say or do that's going to change that..." I swallowed hard before adding with my voice now barely above a whisper. "Believe me I've tried..."

She nodded but I knew she still harbored many feelings of unease when it came to my undeniable pull to the man in my dreams. "Be careful?"

I nodded as she pulled my hair into two small diamond crusted combs her fingertips lightly gracing the sides of my face as she moved slightly away. She was almost out of reach but I still managed to grab her arm before she'd completely turned away. "Sara..."

"Yeah?" Her voice was suddenly tired and slightly withdrawn as she shifted to fully face me.

"You do want this for me right? I mean an hour ago you were downstairs holding me as I cried into Nyssa's shoulder because I was afraid he wouldn't want me"

"And I do I want this for you...I want this more than anything...It's just..."

"You're worried about what happens once I give into him?" The moment her head went down I knew I'd been the one to hit the nail on the head. She remained still as a wooden board as she reminded me of the timeline that spelled out my impending doom.

"The moment you two are finally together in the real world the clock starts after that you have six months and then death...Not to be selfish but I have one sister who faked her own death for a reason that is still a mystery so I don't really want to lose the other because she fell in love with the wrong but in her case right man for her. I don't want to lose you because you two couldn't keep your hands off each other can you understand that?"

I nodded but didn't step any closer. "I'll be alright Sara...I promise I won't let my heart rule over my head." I inched slightly closer and gave her the words that I hoped would remind her that I had no intentions of leaving her behind. "I may be in love with him but that doesn't mean I forgot those I loved before him. You're my sister Sara and that matters to me... you matter to me..." I took a deep long breath and inched even closer knowing my last words would strike the deepest cords. "You mattered to Laurel too despite it all she loved you with all her heart."

She moved away with a sad smile and a slight almost undetectable nod, I barely heard her whisper as she rounded the corner of my still wide open door. " _She loved you just as much as she ever loved me._.."

I smiled at my reflection as I grabbed the white form fitting jacket off the back of my chair and half tripped and half walked out the door. Reminder to self keep your floors clear of any and all obstacles when wearing four inch heels.

* * *

I was standing at his door...I was actually standing and I wasn't surrounded by blackish grey walls. I was awake and aware of my surroundings...

He was just behind this small rectangular opening...

He was waiting for me...

I raised my hand and prepared myself to rap my knuckles against the steel framed door...

Before my skin even touched the cool metal of the door it was opening...his face was beaming from ear to ear as he rushed towards me...gathering me in his strong muscular arms before I even had the chance to blink in surprise.

He held me tightly in doorway half his body was in the room while the other half was in the hall...I wrapped my arms tightly around his neck as he lifted me upwards so that my feet were no longer touching the ground. He smiled into my neck as his arms tightened around my waist. "I missed you..."

I grinned at our own special greeting my smile growing even wider as he nuzzled his nose against my skin..."Did I ever tell you that I used to daydream about holding you during my boring business meetings?" My arms tightened at his small but still heart-stoppingly sweet admission as I kissed the small space of exposed skin that was peaking out right above his upturned collar behind his ear.

"Did I ever tell you that I used to daydream about how your lips felt when they running up and down the length of my throat? I felt his body quiver beneath me as he moved backwards bringing us both into the confines of the small private room. He was about to speak so before we had the talk that could change everything I pressed my lips against the shell of his ear and said the words that had been in my heart since I'd heard his voice earlier this morning. "I missed you too..."

He stood there holding us close together for a few more precious moments knowing that once the sweetness of our reunion was gone the real words of lies and deceit would have to be exchanged.


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended. I own nothing in relation to Arrow or it's characters.

Chapter 7: The Truth Part 1

 _"I take it that this wasn't exactly a first for you?"_

 _He laughed the sound echoed around the empty barren room as it bounced from empty wall to empty wall in search of something to deafen the beautiful if not rarely heard sound. "No…" I looked up into his striking blue eyes with a rim of grey right around the pupil and smiled…_

 _"There's more behind that no tell me…" I lightly trailed a lone finger up and down the length of his slightly stubbled face as his eyes slowly slid shut. "Oliver come on tell me…we have no secrets re-mem-ber…" I edged out the last word slowly for emphasis as he brought his strong arms closer to the sides of my cooling skin._

 _"She was someone that I at least cared for but…"_

 _His hesitation told me everything his words would fail to convey. "How did she die?"_

 _I felt his long empty sigh against the crown of my head; his lips came down slowly after to place a gentle kiss to my for once golden locks. "She was killed a few weeks later in a training simulation…I never even her saw again after that one night."_

 _I felt awful for even asking but that didn't stop my second equally horrible question. "Did you love her?" My voice was small and muffled as I trailed the tip of my nose down the line of his sternum I felt a light tinge of relief when I felt his fingers running up and down the length of my spine._

 _"Felicity this was well before I started to see you in a different light..." I giggled as I placed a line of small kisses down the path that I'd just made with the tip of my nose. I felt his chest expand as his rich baritone laugh vibrated against my soft lips._

 _"I know that Oliver but I still want to know if you actually loved the first girl you had sex with."_

 _He peered down at me as I rested my chin against his chest my eyes twinkling with a small amount of humor but mostly curiosity. "Come on other than you there was just Cooper and you technically don't count so..."_

 _"Why don't I count may I ask?" I should have known his attention would catch on that. I'd thought he'd be upset or even unnerved but he wasn't he was calm and curious about the answer I still hadn't given._

 _"Oliver you know why..." My voice was small...so small that I wasn't quite sure he had even heard me...until..._

 _"I didn't love her actually I've never loved any of them. I cared for them and enjoyed being with them but..."_

 _"This is different...what we are is different because unlike them I matter...I'm more than a distraction I'm..."_

 _"Starting to become my world..." His last sentence stopped my heart cold._

 _"Oliver I..." I was in complete shock here we were he was lying on his back his skin bared fully beneath me as he held us together our chests and stomachs brushing together with each shallow breath. He'd left me she who could talk her way in and out and then back into a paper bag speechless. "Oliver you can't be...I'm not...we're not...Oh God this is so confusing..."_

 _I kept talking in small sentence fragments; my forehead was now braced against the same patch of skin that I'd been resting my chin on just moments before. "Felicity..." I'd heard him but still I didn't respond I just kept rambling on and on and on about how this couldn't be happening...about how this had to stop as he continued to hold me to his slightly shuddering body. I must have gone on for what seemed like hours as I wasted our precious stolen moments as he continued to mutter my name his fingers created a slight edge of electricity as he let me follow my thoughts to their logical conclusion._

 _"You losing your mind won't change anything Felicity...I'm real and one day I'm going to prove that to you...one day I'll be holding you with the light streaming through the bedroom curtains. "_

 _"What?" His little mantra of fact had stopped me as I was about to do my sixth or seventh round of we can't be real when he stopped me with his perfect words. I muttered once again my voice soft but still thoroughly shocked. "What did you just say?"_

 _He smiled down at me softly before he flipped us now my back was braced only by the strength of his two rather large palms. I could feel every inch of his body as he pressed us gently towards the hard cool floor. My body was on fire as little jolts of fire began to course through the blood that was pulsating through my veins. All I could focus on was the way his lips felt as he lowered then down to the lobe of my ear his breath lightly tickled the small fine hairs along my hair line. "I said I'm real and one day I'm going to prove that to you...but in the mean time..."_

 _His voice vanished as his last parting words disappeared into the darkness of my slightly parted mouth. Before I knew it his tongue was tracing along mine as our hips each came together once again making our bodies one...I'd worry later as the sun streamed in through my white bedroom curtains but for now all I wanted to focus on was the strength and the speed of Oliver's body as he crashed into my own over and over again...our breaths coming out in rough rapid waves as my eyes finally slowly slid shut._

* * *

I knew I was smiling into his neck but I didn't care...

I recalled the memory of our first time with more clarity than I'd ever dare admit as I allowed myself to enjoy the warmth his embrace had always offered.

For the first time in such a long time I felt like the many fractured pieces of my life we're finally beginning to form a complete if not cohesive picture. For so long I'd drove myself crazy as I questioned the sanity of having your life be lived so fully in your non-waking hours.

This boy...

This man had slowly taken over every aspect of me until I could no longer tell where I began and he actually started...

He'd been the first person I thought of when my mother finally broke down and told me the ugly truth about my father's disappearance...

He was my first thought at night as I closed my eyes tightly begging for sleep to once again arrive...

He was my first thought when I opened my eyes in morning the memories of our time together still flashing like a panoramic picture through my hazy mind...

He was the first person I trusted with my secrets...

He gave me my first unofficial kiss...granted it been on the cheek but for a ten year old that was like walking on cloud nine...

He'd held me through every up and down...

He'd stood up to me when I was wrong...

He fought for me when all I wanted to do was run...

He'd given me a love that I couldn't comprehend...

He'd made me question my overall sanity but...

When all was said and done at the end of the day he was the first person that I wanted to give my heart to...

"I can feel your entire body smiling what's made you so happy all the sudden?" He held me closer as if that were humanly possible as he attempted to edge my legs up and around his waist.

"Oliver this skirt won't really allow that action unless you plan on me going home with two very long slits along the once unmarred material." I could feel the growl that was beginning to emanate from the back of his throat as he tilted his body backward until I was practically covering him from head to toe. I shook my head as he attempted to lean forward...

"Oliver no...that is not going to happen so just get that idea out of your head right now." I attempted to pull myself up so that we'd both be out of the others rather tempted reach.

"Felicity...come on it's not like we haven't been intimate before...come on we'll be really quick..." I put my hands firmly against his chest as he snaked his arms even further around my slim waist.

"Oliver..."

"We've waited for so long...Felicity I just want to be with you..." I smiled softly as I ran my nose along the edge of his own. I could feel his breath catching in his throat...his fingers were now roughly digging into my sides...the pressure was enough to cause the slim material of my shirt to rise up...allowing his fingers to brush roughly against the soft delicate skin. I could feel him hardening beneath me as we slowly slid our bodies against the other's...I wanted nothing more than to give in...to let our bodies do what we'd done so many times before in our shared dreams but my promise to someone else I loved stopped me.

"I want that too believe me but Oliver we can't..." I took a deep steadying breath but he'd decided his own thoughts had waited long enough.

"After we talk you won't want this anymore...you won't want me..."

My heart broke as I watched the shards of his fractured soul come even further apart.

"Oliver..." I whispered his name as I wrapped my arms firmly around his neck attempting to give him what little comfort my small gesture could provide. I felt him shuddering against me as he buried his face within my blonde tresses. His breathes were coming in short rapt staggered lengths as his own fears finally began to take hold. His arms were like a vice grip around my body as the vibrations of his trembling form began travel into my own. I couldn't take it any longer so I spoke pressing my lips into his neck between each soft word.

"Oliver please be braver than me..." I exhaled before adding the words that up until very recently I'd all but refused to do. "Let me in..."

His breaths leveled out as we stayed there locked in each other's arms each of us waiting for the other to take the first step that neither one of us was brave enough to take..."You won't forgive me for this Felicity...You won't ever trust me once you learn what I've been keeping from you...Letting you in means losing you for good..." His voice cracked and then finally broke with his last heartbreaking words...

"I'm not willing to lose you...not when I just found you..."

The light bulbs finally went off and the room was bathed in the light from a thousand suns...He was afraid of losing something that he would never be in danger of losing...which meant...

"You know don't you?" My voice wasn't harsh or filled with anger...no my voice was filled with utter and complete relief.

He was the first one to pull away his eyes searching mine for the answers that I'd been holding in for far too long. "Where do you want to start?..."

I touched my forehead to his and with my eyes closed and my breathing uneasy I said what for me would be the easiest words of the night.

With an unsteady voice and trembling hands I spoke against our partially joined lips as each of us gulped in the cold clean air that surrounded our cocooned forms.

"The beginning...We have to start from the beginning..."

* * *

 _1842_

 _"Oliver would you please just reconsider what we're actually asking you to do...She's at least an attractive woman so bedding her shouldn't be completely stomach turning."_

 _I glanced over at her with anger and hatred coursing through my darkened glance. "Mother I don't care if she's breathtaking I won't marry that man's daughter...I won't bed the daughter of the man who killed my father and put us into this situation...I don't care what impact it will have on the lower cities..."_

 _I knew i was fighting a loosing battle but I'd fight none the less this was an arrangement born out of obligation and limited options. She knew it and so did I. Thea was too young to be sold like chattel on the open market and my mother was the grieving widow who for the next six months had an appearance to maintain. I on the other hand was a male in his mid to almost late twenties who'd refused the offers of marriage from every eligible woman in ten neighboring kingdoms. Our family was a dying breed my father had been born a nobleman and my mother was a duchess from an equally noble household. They'd been wed to unite a warring nation..._

 _They'd been married to stop him...Quentin Lance an odd man to be sure with a name that even the history books would someday mock was born to household with no name, no claim, and no lands to speak of. His kingdom had been won by violent acts of war and bloodshed with the body count rising by the day. He'd sliced through my father's neck as if it had been made of melted butter. He'd fallen to the ground at my feet his bloodied neck starring at me as his head rolled down the dampened blood tinged streets. Those horrific images had stayed with me since that stormy night less than two moons ago... the sting of that memory haunts me in both my waking and sleeping hours._

 _"Oliver he'll come for us next he's already made alliances with every household that had been loyal to ours." She came closer reaching out to gently apply her hand to my thin white tunic. Her hands were shaking as they been since I came through our families gates...my father's dead body hanging limply from my arms. "This is our only way out...Oliver please I've already lost my husband, my good name, and our families lands, please don't make me watch as he kills my children as well..." Her voice was on the edge of pleading at this point so I turned into her light grasp and looked into the eyes that had once upon a time showed me nothing but the unconditional love only a mother could provide._

 _"Send the courier...I'll marry the whore one moon cycle from now." She smiled tightly her silent way of thanking me as she lowered her slight hand and moved with an unshakable grace towards the darkened candlelit hall._

 _She'd sent the message with Abraham that night..._

 _By dawn only his horse with a simple message was returned. The offer was accepted but the price for making them wait was Abraham's life. I shuddered to think about what I'd have to endure once his rail thin Princess was my lawfully wedded wife._

 _I'd waiting until I saw the last few remaining candles flicker and then die as I quietly crept down the long stairwell that lead from my room down to the stable yards. Abraham had been a good friend...but he'd also been a good man. I could still hear the soft cries of his wife and daughter as I held their shaking white hands the words fell forth like lava from a volcano as I attempted to rid myself of the gnawing guilt that had been building since that retched morning. I'd offered to tell his family of his fate...I'd offered to take on that final burden knowing full well that the weight was mine and mine alone to take. He died because of me, he died because I was stubborn, he died because my foolish pride wouldn't allow me to see reason. The guilt from that knowledge alone had me pacing the halls once the house had quieted down for the night._

 _I was about halfway to my horses padlock when I heard a small and very feminine voice speaking from mere inches ahead. I slowed my usually fast and rugged steps as I leaned further into the wooden walls of the various empty padlocks. Standing just out of sight of the faint glow from the half lit torches I stared at what was possibly the strangest but also the sweetest exchange I'd ever have the chance to see._

 _"Don't worry you're master won't leave you alone forever...well I hope not at least I mean he's under a lot of stress right now you know with the wedding coming up and all..." She was thin but strong with a stature of about 5′5 or maybe 5′6 if she stood on her tiptoes. Her dark tresses flowed freely from around her shoulders in light soft looking waves. I could only catch a slight glimpse of the face beyond the veil of darkened hair but her voice allowed for my mind to wander as she stroked her small delicate hands over my horses strong sturdy neck. "Don't worry boy he'll come soon...He wouldn't leave you behind I promise..."_

 _I was so enraptured with this small beautiful creature that was standing before my very eyes that I'd failed to notice when her melodic voice paused..._

 _"Your...your highness?" My eyes snapped forward as she attempted to lower her lithe form to the ground her knees were almost to the ground before I finally regained the used of my voice._

 _"No...NO you don't have to do that..." She quirked her head at me slightly but still remained in her crouched position as she hovered dangerously close to the ground. "Please...you don't have to bow...please just..." I sighed as my hands slicked over my head. "Just get up I there's no need for you to get all dirty on my account." She looked at me curiously as she slowly stood up her body going backward until she hit the door of Goliath's stall._

 _"Ouch..." I chuckled as she muttered her back had hit the door with quite a bit of force so the ouch wasn't exactly unexpected. "You're the one that decided to back into a hard wooden door not me."_

 _She huffed as she reached behind her and rubbed gently along the small of her now slightly bruised back. "Well you're not the one who was just caught talking to a horse by none other than our future King now were you?"_

 _I couldn't help but smirk she was funny...although I'm sure she wasn't even vaguely aware of it. "Do you do this often?" She quirked her head at me as she began to pat down her black now dust covered pants, I watched her with vague amusement as her hands came up to the black and red tunic that all the stable hands wore as she again attempted to remove the dust and debris. I wasn't sure she'd even heard my last comment until she responded her face pointed down toward her feet._

 _"Do what exactly? Talk to your horse or just talk to horses in general?" She'd found a spot of something on her black boot so she was leaning down to remove it._

 _I remained still as I leaned further into the lone wooden pillar along the front edge of the stables entrance with my arms folding across my chest. "Take your pick." She glanced up and to my utter surprise gave me a slight smile._

 _"I talk to Goliath every night but only him." She stood up to her full height as she brushed her hands slightly together before placing them gently at her hips. "May I ask you a question your highness?" Her tone I could have sworn was a teasing one so I took a few steps closer and to my utter surprise she didn't take a single step back._

 _"Yes...but on one condition..."_

 _She smiled gently again as she too took a few timid steps forward her hands were now joined behind her back as she slowly gazed up at me. "Name it..."_

 _"My name is Oliver use it please." I stepped forward once more her eyes were close enough that I could see the bright blue that glowed beneath the low glow of the fire just above our heads._

 _"Fine Oliver may I ask you a question?" Her smile was still small but perfect since I could now fully see her pale cream colored skin. Her lips were full and pink as they shifted from one surprised emotion to the next._

 _"Ask away..." I grabbled for her name and then realized I didn't have a clue as to what it might be. "What's your name?" Her eyes were lit from within as she beamed up at me brightly._

 _"Felicity my name is Felicity now Oliver what are you doing down here in the middle of the night?" My smile was growing wider and wider with each passing minute as I stepped closer and closer not stopping until her body was just within my fingers reach._

 _"Well I was thinking about taking a midnight ride but now..."_

 _"Now what?" She was even closer now her hands still tightly bound behind her back as she swayed from foot to foot in smooth easy motions._

 _I leaned down until our noses could practically touch before giving her my response._

 _"Now I'm talking to you..."_

 _I didn't know it then but within a few short weeks my entire life was about to drastically change._

* * *

We were both seated against the back of the couch her fingers were tangled in my close cropped hair while my own drew small patterns into her bent knees. I was leaning into her soft touch when she broke our small moment of silence. "When did your visions start?"

We'd talked about very little since we'd both separated from eachother's very needy forms. She'd wanted to go all the way to the beginning and so we did.

"I don't know maybe around the second or third year...what about you?" I watched her closely as she bit down slightly on her bottom lip.

"I'm not sure I mean all I know is that if I didn't see you then I would have vision or if we'd shared a rather intense dream then I'd have the visions during the day so really since the beginning but not...does that make sense?" I nodded understanding that while we'd both been keeping secrets we were now finally willing to be completely honest with the other.

"How far back do your memories usually go? I can get to corsets but not much further and even then the images are hazy like my mind is distorted or the full image is blocked. How about you?" I opened my eyes again as her fingers kept moving lazily through my hair as I focused on what I was trying to convey.

"Well the vision I just told you about is normally as far back as I can go but I only got that far when we were well intimate..." I took a slow deep breath before continuing. "The closer we become the more I can see hell the more I can feel... I mean one night I woke up in a cold sweat because I'd once again seen you die..." I was breathing heavily again as another image flashed before my very eyes...

 _"Oliver you can't save me...it's too late...please it's too late..."_

 _Her voice was becoming weaker and weaker as the blood began to pool around the cheap white dress she'd borrowed for the day. Laurel had stormed through the front doors screaming and wailing with the gun held tightly in her right hand. I tried to shield her from the impending strike of the hot metal as it screamed through the chapel's expanse. Sadly she'd had the same thought. She'd grabbed the lapels of my jacket and pulled me toward her shoving me out of the bullet's path as it found a home within her chest._

 _Shocked and dazed I stumbled over on my hands and knees as I gathered her shaken form into my lap my hands were brushing rapidly along the sides of her pale face."Why...why did you do that?"_

 _She coughed suddenly...small specs of bright red blood came forth as they lightly stained her rapidly paling lips. "Because I love you...I'd do any...any..." She began to cough even harder as her words became caught in the blood that was rising from her chest._

 _"Felicity please rest...we'll find help...you'll be fine...baby you'll be fine do you hear me..."_

 _She attempted to laugh but her condition was getting worse as her body slowly began to give way. "If I die protecting you then it was worth it..." She coughed up more blood as she reached for my hands..._

 _"Promise me...promise me you won't die with me...not this time please not this time..."_

 _"Felicity it doesn't work that way your heart stops so does mine and vice versa..." Her eyes were beginning to slam shut I feared for the last time so I leaned down placing my lips to her chilled sweat laden brow kissing her skin before I uttered what would be our last words. "I'll find you...It's always been you...from that first day in the stables it's always been you Felicity only ever you..." I brought my lips down to hers as she'd found enough strength to kiss me one last time before her fingers went limp in my rapidly cooling hands._

 _"I love you..." Her last words were spoken with our lips pressed together and just like all the other times moments after her heart stopped mine shortly followed suit. The last person I saw before my vision went black was Laurel as she leaned down her gloved hand pressed lightly against Felicity's face._

 _"Figure it out before it's too late next time...please stop me before I have to kill you both all over again...save me...Felicity save me..." Her words were the last one's I heard in that life as I clung to Felicity's limp hand the pressure of our wedding bands left my heart aching for just a few seconds more..._

* * *

"Wow...so you've seen one of our wedding days...how many were there?" While I spoke she'd edged closer until she was sitting with her legs wrapped around my waist her head was nestled beneath my chin. The moment my story ended she'd begun to pepper me with endless questions.

I chuckled briefly before I pulled her closer my arms once again were like twin vices as they locked around her slim form. "I've seen us married for two days and I've seen us married for 3 months but it always ends the same..."

She filled in for my sudden silence. "We die...Oliver?"

I was resting my check against her head as I responded. "Yes baby..."

"Laurel told me to save her at the end of your vision.." I nodded the scene was still fairly fresh in my mind. "Yes...do you know why?"

She shook her head into my neck her movements sent light jolts of electricity through my body. "No do you?"

We'd promised so I told her what I feared might send her screaming for the closest exit.

"Felicity the reason she told you to save her was because Lance had three daughters originally back in 1842..." I went silent as she froze within my grasp.

"Oliver no..." She had pulled away so I was able to see her tear stained face staring up me with absolute horror etched deeply within her usually flawless skin.

I nodded my own reflection I'm sure now matched her own. "Yes Felicity you weren't some stable hand...You were his youngest daughter...Felicity Laurel's telling you to save her because she's really your sister..."

One reveal was down...we only had several more to go...


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended. I own nothing in relation to Arrow or it's characters.

Chapter 8: The Truth: Lies Undone

Oliver's last words had sunken into my bones until they were vibrating throughout my entire skeletal frame.

Laurel was my sister fact...

Laurel wasn't my real sister fact...

Now I had two separate facts to reconcile while he stared at me with the same eyes that had watched me grabble with every horrible truth my life had thrown at me since we first "met". His hold on my body had long ago left as I paced back and forth in front of him as he sat on the rented rooms rather stiff couch.

"Felicity please say something hell anything at this rate would do...just please talk to me..." His voice was tinged with what I could have sworn was a slight bit of desperation as I froze in mid step turning my body towards his own as I nervously chewed on my bottom lip. His eyes were regretful and his posture was slumped as he ran both of his massive calloused hands over the tops of his thighs.

I opened and closed my mouth to speak several times in 30 seconds each time I hoped my voice would be there to respond. Sadly nothing oxygen was released as I just dumbly stood there my mouth wide open as I stood shaking before him.

"Felicity?" He must have been looking at me because his voice has gone from tired to suddenly very alarmed. He spoke again but this time his voice was closer...louder...and tinged with a slight amount of panic. "Felicity hey I need you to look at me..."

I glanced up as his fingers came down beneath my chin pushing my face gently upwards until he could see every emotion that my voice couldn't convey. "You need to talk to me...I need you to talk to me." I nodded slightly as I lifted my shaking fingers to his face the pads of my fingers were ghosting across his skin when my voice finally decided to make an appearance.

"She's alive..." It wasn't what I'd wanted to say or even how I'd wanted to say it but there it was out there far before I'd wanted it to be.

"I know..." His words were released with a heavy sigh as his fingers left my skin his arms falling heavily to his sides. "I've known since that night over a year ago..."

My mind should have been reeling hell I should have been punching him squarely in the jaw but he'd only done what I had done. He'd wanted to protect me while protecting himself and no matter what we were both about to reveal I had to remember that one sad truth.

He may have lied but then so had I. So I inched forward, I took his hands in mine lacing our fingers together before I further invaded his personal space my chest barely touching against his own. Looking upward into his stormy troubled eyes I swallowed hard bracing myself for what might be the hardest part of our often troubled and strange relationship.

"Oliver...I think it's time that we both told the truth." I gulped again when I felt the ease of pressure against our joined hands increase as my heart suddenly surged downward until I could feel it's dull thud in the pit of my stomach.

"I think it's time that we were finally honest about everything..."

I waited on pins and needles for what seemed like hours but that were in fact only mere seconds. He smiled slightly which eased my heart's nerves as he spoke with the voice that made every inhibition I'd ever had melt away.

"Okay..."

* * *

He sat on one end of the couch while I resided on the other. He looked nervous but also slightly agitated with his arms folded firmly across his chest. I smirked when I saw his mouth curving upward into a small irritated smile. "This discussion could still be had if we were I don't know...closer together..."

My own lips curved higher as I replied in kind. "Oliver I want us to have an actual conversation that doesn't end with our hands beneath the other's clothing okay?"

He nodded and then leaned back into the armrest of the chair his lips still held a the ghost of a smile as he asked his first leading question. "So how far back do your visions actually go?" '

I tilted my head while lacing my fingers together exhaling as my head slumped forward. "I can see bits and pieces of the years before the light switch was a common place item but the clearest ones are still the more current years like the 20′s, 4′0s, and the 60′s..." I took a breath and then with a slight tremor in my voice I volleyed his own question right back at him. "So how about you? How far back can you see?"

He pursed his lips and spoke his voice was clear without a tremor in sight. "All the way back to our first meeting but I can't see how it ends nor can I see what caused our current predicament." I nodded as he continued his next question putting me right in the hot seat. "I assume you're aware of my connections to the people in your life?"

Glaring at him I spoke my tremor from before gone as a small amount of anger came forth. "Oh you mean Julie and John..." He smirked as I spoke his form was more relaxed than even mere moments before. "Yes my hacking skills gave me quite a bit of insight into how far reaching your pull really was..." I tilted my head again as I posed another equally themed question. "When did you buy their silence by the way?"

" I didn't buy them Felicity..." I glared as he continued.

"I simply made sure that your crazy never should have been licensed doctor didn't kill you while you came to the same conclusion that I already had..." He took a breath before adding his last statement. "John for your information was a random stroke of luck that I found a way to fully expose."

"What conclusion were you waiting for me to come to Mr. Queen?" My tone was clipped and deadly formal as the words rolled lightly off my tongue.

He leveled me with his all knowing glare as he brought his hand up to rest against the side of his smug if not still perfect face. "That we won't be able to find the truth unless we do it together."

"Oliver that's not going to happen..." I stopped talking for a spare moment as I licked my lips. I knew when I promised Sara I was fighting a losing battle and right now as I sat just mere feet away from him I felt that invisible thread as it pulled tighter and tighter around my heart. As my eyes slowly traveled over his perfectly chiseled form I spoke hoping that my voice didn't give away the sudden yearning that had taken root within my soul. "At least not yet..."

That got his attention as I knew it would...His eyebrows went up in surprise as he struggled to remain rooted to his spot on the couch's other end. "Yet?" His voice was no longer asking a question no that was the tone of a man who knew exactly what he wanted and this man knew he wasn't far from getting it.

I shifted bringing my legs beneath me, my chest was rising quickly as I struggled to keep my bubbling emotions in check. "Oliver you knew what I was trying to do with Julie and you knew why I was in Starling City that night...why didn't you come to me then? Why make me wait? Why make us wait?" Our earlier conversation was still tugging at the back of mind so I decided to shift us back towards the lies that we both still had yet to reveal. The hardest among them was going to be that night...

He knew more than he as saying and I intended to find the answer whether he liked it or not.

"Oliver come on fess up you knew exactly where i was going to be, you had to be the man who saved my life..." I closed my mouth when I saw his face suddenly shift. I'd hit a nerve and this nerve was one that had clearly caused him pain.

I watched him closely for a few moments as his lips once again pursed together his eyes becoming heavy as his emotional burdens began to rise fully to the surface. His lips moved slowly as he began to give me the answers he knew I craved. "You remember our first time together I assume?"

I nodded but remained for the first time in my life quiet as I let him tell me in his way and his time. He smiled softly at my small physical acknowledgement before speaking once more. "After that night Felicity I knew that I'd move heaven and Earth to find you...I knew in that moment that what we shared was real...I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that you were out there so yes I used my rather sizable influences both with my organization and my wealth to track you down."

I gapped at him slightly before I asked a very simple question..."How?" I felt the air rapidly leaving my once filled lungs as I allowed my body to go completely limp. "How I never even gave you my last name..." The last part I'd all but whispered but apparently not quietly enough.

"Felicity you didn't have to remember?" He was begging me with his eyes alone to realize what he was trying to imply.

As my mind cleared and I once again began to think clearly I realized he already had all he needed to find me...he'd had me. I stuttered ever so slightly as I vocalized my fragmented thoughts. "I gave you all you needed...I gave you my life and then the visions...you did the same thing didn't you?"

Now he nodded and the connection to Julie suddenly made complete sense.

"Yes Felicity after that night I started reaching out to anyone who might be able to take me far enough under so that I could reach the parts of my mind that only seemed to awaken after I'd been with you. I found Julie a few weeks after you apparently had started the hypnosis sessions. I flew her out to my home in Russia and well after our first session let's just say she connected the dots...After that she'd call me and tell me what you'd seen or experienced, after that she made sure that if you ever went too far I'd have a way to find you."

Taking a deep breath as I looked deeply into my own heart while glancing up into his somewhat scared blue eyes I asked the one question I knew might very well break my heart. "Laurel...tell me about that night Oliver and this time don't edit or leave out some key fact...If my visions are right then usually she's the one who's holding the weapon that eventually does one of us in."

He was silent for a brief moment as he silently weighed his own invisible list of pros and cons each list had one goal...

The goal being my ultimate survival. I knew he was holding back so I inched closer my palm reached out towards him at the center of the black couch. "Oliver we can't stop this if we don't work together so please you give me this moment and then I'll give you mine...Deal?" I played upon an old memory hoping he'd come out of his own head long enough to see that the longer we fought against each other the worse of we'd become.

The moment his hand touched mine i knew the ploy had worked. He exhaled before his deep voice gave me the missing puzzle piece of the one night that my own step-father still blamed me for.

* * *

He stared at me for a few brief moments as we continued to hold the others hand. I could feel him shaking beneath my touch his palm was vibrating with an unexpressed emotion that i had yet to name. His breathing like my own was heavy we each had been waiting for so long to have this conversation that the build up itself was almost worse than the actual words being exchanged.

He voice was soft as he started to finally speak. "Felicity first you have to understand that Julie didn't want to betray your trust she had some serious issues with our arrangement but after that night her issues all but vanished."

I looked at him with sympathy oddly enough as his voice began to cave and crack he didn't want to go into this but I knew we'd never be able to move forward if he didn't.

"Oliver I'll ask my questions later for now just tell me what happened that night and we'll deal with my emotional fallout later." Now it was turn to nod as he he squeezed firmly down on our still clasped hands. I gave him a slight smile for encouragement as he began to speak once more.

"Well Julie had been attempting to explain what you'd chosen to do..." He stopped speaking and I knew why my odd choice of action had alarmed Sara as well so I'm sure Oliver was ten times worse. He'd taken his few deep breaths to release some of his spare frustration and continued he'd even brought down his other hand which I gladly accepted.

"She was upset that night your session had been harder than usual apparently you'd seen something so awful that time left you broken and slightly 's calls were always at a certain time around 9:30 and the duration was usually 10 to 15 minutes in length." I slightly gawked at him so he paused his story to inquire about whatever new emotion I was now currently feeling.

"Felicity what's wrong? Did I say something that needs clarifying?" I couldn't help but smile slightly at his concern even now over my emotional state. I was so touched by it that my next words just sort of slipped past my lips without my given consent.

"Oliver you really do care for me don't you?" I knew it was a stupid question but I just couldn't stop the words from falling past my lips.

He eyed me with a hint of amusement twinkling behind those bright blue and sterling grey eyes. I thought he'd say something like of course I do or why would ever ask such a thing but instead he once again took me by complete surprise. He leaned forward slightly until he was centimeters from my lips...I waited for him to move in and steal a small kiss but he didn't he remained still and suddenly I knew why. I'd laid down the rules and he being the man he was waited letting me decide if I wanted him to come the rest of the way...

He waited for me to decide if I wanted him to kiss me...

He didn't have to wait long...

I leaned forward bringing us together as our parted lips touched...

At first the pressure was gentle each of us taking no more than the other could emotionally provide. He was hesitant but I could feel the desperation that lingered just beneath the surface. He wanted me that much was clear but what always amazed me was the depth of his need. His lips moved with care and precision as he took his time exploring, caressing, and just in general devouring my mouth as if he was a dying man stranded in the desert and I was his last sip of water.

"Oliver...I felt each soft kiss he pressed to my skin as our hands unclasped each of us using them to travel over the others body. He was hard and firm while I was soft and pliant. He was controlled and slightly rigid as he gathered me into his strong waiting arms I went willing my body suddenly craving to be pressed completely to his in more ways than one.

"Relax Felicity we're not going to do anything you're not ready for...I just wanted to hold you for a brief moment...I love you..." He'd read the signals wrong because for once I didn't want to pull away...for once I wanted nothing more than to give in and let him take away whatever issues I still had left to resolve.

"Not the problem this time Oliver..." His chest was roughly rubbing against my own with each ragged breath we both managed to draw in. My fingers were curled at the nape of his neck; my finger nails were digging into the tender flesh while his hands roamed freely down my spine. "I...I..." I kept stumbling over my words as his lips continued to press gently against my throat. "Oliver...I don't want you to stop but...you really have to..."

I felt his lips curving against the column of my throat into what I could have sworn was a small smile. He was amused while I was just plain aroused and frankly that in my opinion was unfair. I pulled back slightly and felt an instant pang of regret when his lips left my skin. "How are you not more affected right now?"

He chuckled again but didn't make a move to separate our bodies further. "Felicity trust me I want you but you were right..."

That statement had me floored to the point that I inched forward in his lap as my legs clenched slightly down around his waist. "Oliver are you actually admitting that I was..." I stopped for emphasis but he beat me to the punch.

"Yes Felicity you were right in order for us to have true intimacy we have to start at the beginning we have to clear the air and then move towards what we both clearly want."

I smiled at him softly when I said the words that I knew were running rapidly through both our minds. "You mean sex I take it..." His nod and slight kiss to my cheek told me I'd guessed right.

He shifted as his hold on me increased now instead of us both sitting up he made it so we were both laying down. His head rested on the couch's armrest while he held me firmly to the full length of his now stretched out body. With my head nestled beneath his chin and his hands running up and down the back of my head and back he spoke which immediately made my insides turn to liquid. "When we're together I want it to be with no more secrets between us. So with that in mind would like to continue our previous conversation?"

I spoke sheepishly before pressing a light kiss to the underside of his jaw. "Yeah that would be a good idea wouldn't it." He just held me closer in response as our legs became entwined.

"So Julie called you after my nightmarish one I take it?" He was firm and warm beneath me as his voice vibrated through my chest.

"Felicity I can't believe that you allowed her to drug you like that but yes she did because she was scared. You didn't come out of the trance like normal apparently you remained in the lucid state. She tried to bring you out of it with other drugs but all the different medications made the trance stronger until..." He swallowed hard and I remained deathly quiet he was giving me the parts of the story that my mind still couldn't recall. I could feel his rough fingertips as he trailed them down the thin fabric of my shirt his body was quivering with the memories I was forcing him to relive. His voice was tight, strained, and scared so I wrapped myself into his body and held on as he finished expelling his own personal demons.

"I was in the city because of the previous session she was convinced that maybe we'd have more luck together than we were having apart. I agreed so when she called me panicked I demanded your number and within moments I had your location pinged I was a few blocks from you so getting to you in time wasn't difficult. I'd found you four minutes later you were moving with no real direction towards the darkened alley between two vacant warehouses. Felicity god you were screaming...the words were incoherent except for no...You kept screaming no as you stumbled blindly into the path of an on coming car. I'm fast baby but someone else was faster..." He stopped speaking then his voice rough and raw from the story he'd just told. I knew without him saying a single word...

Laurel...

Laurel was the person I remembered shoving me out of the way...

Laurel was the person I felt hovering over my body...

It was her blood that stained my skin...

It was her tears that left my cheeks damp...

But it was his face in shadows that I'd seen when I began to wake up. So I asked my last question with my voice muffled by his open collared white shirt."Did she vanish before you could reach me?"

I felt his rough chin rubbing against my delicate forehead as he nodded in reply. "Yes she wasn't alone someone was with her and Felicity for the life of me I can't tell you who that might have been. But she saved you and then ran I called out for her to stop but she didn't she just kept running."

I timidly asked one more slight question..."Oliver..." My voice caught in my chest as I wondered aloud if my one memory of that night was real. "Did you kiss my forehead and whisper I love you before the ambulance came and found me covered in a man's jacket with a small note that said I was saved by an unnamed person?"

I felt his scruff once more as it slightly chaffed my skin. His voice was low and deep as he pressed his face down upon the top of my head. "Yes and I stayed hidden in the shadows until I saw them loading you into the back of the squad...I wouldn't leave you alone but given my world at that point in time I couldn't risk being seen outside of Russia...It broke my heart to leave you lying there on the cold damp ground but I couldn't put you in even more danger...I'm so sorry Felicity...I'm so sorry that I hid from you but my world it's dangerous and back then the danger was even worse than it is now."

I nodded numbly as we stayed there each of us lost in our own thoughts as we both digested the information we'd just learned.

* * *

I must have gone over that night thousands of times in my head and each time I hit the same brick wall. He was there that much I'd felt to be true but Laurel had saved me and than ran...

No body was ever found since we buried an empty casket so in the back of my mind I always felt that she could still be out there just waiting to be found. I'd busied my fingers with Oliver's collar as I counted the faint beats his pulse made upon my skin. His presence was like a soothing balm and I was more than willing to soak up every last ounce of him. He shifted beneath me so I glanced up his face appeared troubled so I spoke my voice sounded weary and torn. "Hey what's bothering you?" I traced my fingertips along the line of his face as he sighed into my touch.

"I was recalling something that Julie said a few months after you finally stopped those damn sessions..." He stopped speaking for a brief moment and then resumed when he'd found a way to say the words that appeared to be haunting his thoughts. "Lance blames you for Laurel but no one knew it was her who saved you...I mean yes the blood was her's but there was never a body...nor any evidence that she'd been harmed...so..."

I finished his statement because that too had left me haunted for the past year. "So why did he blame me for a death that he knew never occurred?" I sighed as my fingers resumed their earlier game of fiddling with the now upturned shirt collar. "I've been asking myself that for months and I still can't figure it out. Oliver?"

His voice was tight from worry but still gentle in response. "Yes Felicity?"

I swallowed and prepared for his next long drawn out tale. "How do you know John and why is your world safer now than one year ago? What are you still hiding from me and what does any of this have to do that the file that I downloaded from your servers today?"

He wasn't mad nor surprised as he placed a swift kiss to top of my head. "Laurel's in the city and for what reason I'm unsure. She's been working with a well known enemy of mine for the past year and John well he's a longer story."

I sighed before replying gently. "I have the time if you're willing to share.."

His last words made my heart melt. "i'll tell you whatever you want we're in this together now..."

With that he took a steely breath and spoke his past beginning to unravel before me in layers of black and grey.


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended. I own nothing in relation to Arrow or it's characters

Chapter 9: The Truth; The past matters

I could recall the first time we met...

I could still remember when I felt my feelings for her change...

I still held onto every memory we shared like it belonged to a puzzle that one day might fall back to it's original pieces...

The cracks would cut through me until my heart threatened to shatter right along with the faded pictures that our time together had once helped create.

Felicity was different from all the others...

Where there was a darkness she would arrive with a blinding light...

I hid in the shadows while she casted the light that allowed me to see beyond them...

Felicity was different when compared to every person who had taken up residence in my often bleak if not stormy life.

The people I'd spent my life surrounded by saw me as cold, cruel, ruthless, and a cunning fighter, but in the end I was still just the lost boy who's parents were killed. In the end all of my accomplishments meant noting when stacked up against the ghosts that filled my past.

Felicity listened to every story, she'd seen and eventually memorized every scar as her fingers lightly danced across my skin. She'd seen me at my worst and never once seen me at my best...

She was my miracle and now I had to tell the miracle the truth. I couldn't sugar coat it this time, I couldn't hide behind my words or a fresh scar. This time I had to let her see the parts of me that I'd tried so desperately to hide...

So taking a deep steadying breath I began my voice was almost hollow as I closed my eyes and tightened my arms around her waist. I knew she wouldn't leave me...I knew she'd accept me scars and all...I just had to find a way to accept them myself.

* * *

2 years ago...

The weather had turned earlier than normal this year and for once I didn't mind the cold edge of the wind as it cut through my body;the chill occurred earlier with each passing year. I was staring across the half frozen expanse of the lake on my home's endless grounds. The geese had flown away only mere weeks before the snows had began to fall. As a boy when I'd first been brought to my "uncle's" home I'd spent endless hours on and around the once upon a time endless expanse of water. That lake had been my one bright spot in a n my home's endless grounds. The geese had flown away only mere weeks before the snows had began to fall. As a boy when I'd first been brought to my "uncle's" home I'd spent endless hours on and around the once upon a time endless expanse of water. That lake had been my one bright spot in a world that was filled with nothing but black. Once my mind turned to Alexi my once open hands became clenched into large tight fists. Alexi had been my father's business partner and according to the will he was named as my sole guardian until my 18th birthday. He was tall around 6′1 or 6′2 with a overly muscular build that was made even more menacing by his deep tanned skin. His thick accent often left me confused and bewildered but his tone left no room for errors to be made. His orders were firm and absolute as he raised his massive palms to my once upon a time small and frail body. He'd "trained" me to be ruthless, uncaring, and most importantly unforgiving when it came to protecting our family dynasty. Those cold onyx colored eyes haunted my dreams until I was awakened by my own blood curtling screams. My one saving grace was the now blonde haired angel who lately had begun to invade my every waking thought with her small smile and big bright blue eyes...

I'd thought of her many times over the years but our relationship changed...our relationship was forever altered the night I lost Thea...

Thea my sister who'd grown up in a world that was the complete opposite from my own...she'd been raised with warmth and love...she'd been taught to sing and dance...she'd had holidays and birthday parties...

She'd had a life that I had absolutely no part in...

Thea and I had been separated two days after the accident she'd gone to live with Rasia while I was shipped off to hell.

In the years that would pass I'd see my younger sister a total of ten times...each one was more painful than the last.

She'd grown up without me...

She'd had a life that had no place for me within it...

She'd died from a drug overdose that I still felt my influence could have prevented.

Her loss had left me empty...devastated...and alone...

That was until I saw Felicity...

I ran into her open waiting arms; my body clung to hers as I slowly slid down to her firm abdomen. We'd shared kisses, and sometimes our exchanges became heated, as the frenzy of our mutual attraction grew. I was in pain and she was my soul's soothing balm...

It wasn't long before I had her laid out against the cold grey floors beneath our room's one lone light...my body pulsating within her own as we finally became one.

That one night kept me sane and centered as I held the barrel of my uncle's own gun to his forehead. I recalled every square inch of her body as the small beads of sweat formed between our fully joined bodies...I could taste her on my lips as I stared blankly into Alexi's cold dead stare...

"Well boy you've waited this long...why not drag it out and wait for me to once again gain the upper hand." His tone was dark, hard and edged with pure hatred as we both stood there the silence around us was thick as each of our darker impulses began to fully take hold.

I edged the barrel further into his dampened skin...His words were brave but his body betrayed him as the sweat poured freely from his pores. He was scared because the weapon he'd so carefully honed finally had taken the upper hand. My finger was taught as I pressed slowly the trigger sliding gently against the pads of my fingers. "Uncle you brought this on yourself...The families are at war...You've led us to our own deaths..."

My voice was a few notches above begging as he sneered his next response was layered with contempt...

"You don't have the guts Oliver..." His next words determined his fate. "You're like your weak pathetic father...Killing him was..." He'd been spitting out the hate filled words as I squeezed firmly against the trigger the shot ringing out as my shaking limbs threatened to all but collapse me...

He never got to finish his last thoughts because just like he'd always told me once you see the opening you take it consequences be damned. I'd taken my shot and now he was lying before me the blood pouring forth from the small wound in his forehead like lava from a volcano. I'd made a move and now I was about to see how dangerous that move had truly been.

Alexi may have been many things but a coward wasn't one of them. He'd held the last pieces of our dynasty together with nothing more than idle threats for years...

His words couldn't save me now...

* * *

"Oliver in the past three months no more than ten attempts have been made on your life...how can you not be taking this more seriously?" Raisa was angry with me and I truly couldn't blame her. She just lost Thea and now she was on the verge of losing me as well.

I groaned slightly into the phone's receiver as I glanced over the piles of files she'd sent over via a private courier for my personal review. "Raisa I agree but and believe me I'm not taking these threats lightly but I don't think that..." My voice stilled as my calloused fingers lifted up the cover of the last files among st the thousands I'd spent hours reviewing. His name was simple and direct just like his picture. He looked strong, stern and capable but all I had to go by was a stern but still honest face with eyes that were shockingly warm. "Someone named John Diggle is the going to be the answer to your prayers." My tone was light but also edged with a fair amount of concern as she decided to push her point home.

"Oliver he's ex-military and he has another connection that I believe might make him more appealing to you..." I glanced down to the bottom of the file and there in black bold faced lettering was her name...

"Raisa how?" I'd never told her about Felicity...hell I hadn't seen her since Thea's funeral and then it struck me the funeral...

That night had been the night and in a moment of slight horror I whispered gently into the phone. "What was I screaming out in my sleep?" I felt like a small boy as I waited for her often motherly response.

I could hear the small smile that must have been gracing her lips as her gentle lullaby like tone replied in kind. "Felicity...you just kept muttering Felicity so once you left the following morning I phoned Sasha and apparently you've been having these dreams for years now. So I asked if he had anymore details like perhaps a physical description. He did and well since my days are free I spent three months looking for a woman who matched the description."

I was awestruck she'd found her...

She'd found my Felicity...

"Raisa regardless of how grateful I am to you finding her that doesn't mean I'm going to hire him..." I stumbled over the words as my eyes once more scanned over the lined paper. "My god he was her neighbor...he's known her since they started..." The last part was no more than a dull whisper as my brain formulated it's own master plan. Eager to bring an end to our dream created love affair I spoke once more before I hung up the receiver.

"Raisa set up the meeting..."

* * *

I the man who was a lethal weapon was nervous. He'd actually met her...he'd touched her hand...he'd heard her voice...he'd been apart of her waking hours... he'd had what I longed for...

He'd been apart of her actual life. Now he was about to enter my own and that truly should have made more of impact but as the door knob turned all I could think about was how if this worked I'd be holding her in the sunlight in one short year from now...

* * *

1 year later...

"Oliver when we first met you said nothing about this? You never even told me about your true plans until just last month so what makes you think that I'm just going to go along with this?" I glanced up at him as he sat across from me the dark sturdy desk lay between us as his hooded deadly gaze remained trained on me with laser precision. He was right of course my plan was risky and given how things were going with the two families meeting her now would only bring her into a world that might crush the light that often lit my way. Julie had been increasing the rate of the sessions and Felicity was beginning to remember more and more of our shared past but she still hadn't seen the beginning...

She still hadn't discovered why we were linked and why the link was getting stronger instead of weaker. My plan was simple she had another session with Julie tomorrow night so once my meeting with Alexander Otto was finished I along with John were traveling home...

She was in Starling for a few more days which meant I had a very small window to find her, meet her, and then never ever let her go...

"John my life is never going to be safe so why should I wait?" I glanced up at him his stare was still icy so I continued hoping to make a small dent in our at times troubled relationship. "John I need her... Please try to understand that...my life begins and ends with her so yes I'm willing to risk everything if it means I can be with her..."

He held his hands up in a small gesture of surrender as his stare softened and his lips curved upwards. "Oliver Alexander and Sonia are not going away and if the reports are correct your would be girlfriend's sister is not only working with Otto's family but she's also sleeping with it's' leader. Oliver Laurel could get her killed long before you do..."

He was right of course but the relationship between Alexander and Laurel wasn't yet solidified that and she was still married to Tommy...

"John Laurel's a moot point right now if my spies are correct they've set up shop in Starling which means regardless of my true intentions we have to go...John he's going to destroy my home just like he's destroyed this one...Felicity is my home John and I won't watch as everything crumbles down around her...I won't lose her John...I can't..."

He looked me over a few more times before leaning back into the broken down chair. The house had taken a beating over the past year what with both the Otto siblings taking turns bombing the shit out of it in order to weaken my still rather steely resolve. My haven was drained 6 months ago when they found poison in the water supply...the lake was now nothing more than a empty barren pit of dried dirt and sand. My home or what was left of it was being held together but nothing more than the cement bricks that had formed the original frame. The rest had either been burned or leveled to the ground. I was only staying here until the beta site was fully operational. So as we sat here in my once large, clean, and beautiful office I wondered for a brief moment if this had all been worth it...

I knew within seconds that it had...

Felicity was worth it so I stood up slightly my palms were planted on the desk as I stared him down once more. "John do remember when you agreed to stay with me as my bodyguard?"

He nodded slightly before he uttered a small..."Yes why?" His arms were folded at his chest as he slightly began to groan.

"You wanted her safe...you only agreed because you sensed that we shared a common goal and we did...John I love her so please just this one time trust me if it looks like she'll be in danger I'll back off I promise..."

My tone was hard but still light as I begged for what might be my last chance to connect with the woman who'd saved my soul so many years before. I eyed him as he sighed his next words would tell me which way he was leaning. "First sign of danger and we leave got it?"

I nodded knowing that this was the best outcome I could have ever hoped for. He nodded as well as he he stood his back was to me as he moved towards the door. He stopped and turned with his hand firmly placed on the knob and his next words would haunt me more than I ever thought was possible. "You know if you meet her what you are and what you do very may well break her heart. Are you ready for that?"

I wasn't but right now it was either take the leap or risk it never coming around again. "I'm ready to be with her even if it means I lose her in the end."

He just nodded once more as he swiftly opened my barely working office door.

* * *

Present Day...

I'd told her bits and pieces but in my heart I'd felt I'd given her more information than what she'd previously been aware of. I held her as she shifted within my arms her warm soft eyes held my own as I looked down upon her sweet angelic face. I waited as her face went from scrunched to relaxed and then back to scrunched again. She was weighing her words and I no intention of speeding her along.

When she did speak her words once again left me floored. "Oliver we have to find out more in regards to Alexander and Sonia...if Laurel is really one of them then I'll be able to tell..."

I looked at her with an expression of worry etching slowly into my face. "Felicity..." She'd held two fingers to my lips as I attempted to talk.

"Oliver she saved me and I'm betting he was watching...I know her and you know him between the two of us we should be able to find them...but..."

I knew what was next so I said the words before she'd even had a chance. "So you're going to need access to a computer I take it?"


End file.
